2012 is MY year!

I’ve been told that 2012 will be ‘MY’ year! Its all going to happen for me in 2012 apparently and I can well believe it already. We are buying a house which should go through within the first few months and then the ‘plan’ is to have another baby (eek!). Maybe I’ll even get a job too! Or win the lottery – either will be welcomed…or both!

The last 2 or even 3 years have been hard work. Mainly with Stuart’s work – he does work so hard and such long hours. Hopefully, this year will show it all paying off to his benefit and he’ll be able to reap the reward for the previous years which, of course, will mean I benefit too. He really deserves to get all he has been striving for so I hope  he does get it.

Callum is really becoming a lovely little boy (with the odd challenging moment that even the most well behaved boys have from time to time). I’m genuinely looking forward to seeing how much he will grow and learn in the next year. I feel like we are on the edge of a pivotal moment with him at the moment. He has already changed and learnt so much in the last 6 months but he is at the stage where he wants to learn more. He wont go to school until September 2013 and, at the moment, that seems about right for him as he still seems a long way from ready (plus I’m thrilled to not be panicking right now about finding a suitable school and getting into the one we want).

Of course, its the Olympics this next year too. I’m gutted to not have tickets to go and see anything. To have the opportunity to be part of the event, to be there watching when it is in your own country. I might not ever get the chance again. Maybe an opportunity will present itself within the year. Still, its an exciting thing to happen to the country and I hope we pull it off and make the country proud.

I am also going into the year with just the one NY resolution. I think its the way forward. Instead of a list of many, focus all your energy in to just the one and making sure you stick to it. Much better to be proud of achieving one than to fail at many! So, this is it:

“To have a date night once a month with Stuart”

We had a similar one the year after Callum was born and stuck to it. It really made a difference but since then, too much of life has got in the way. One big event after another of someone else’s birthday or this or that has meant our priorities have been focused away from us as a couple and as a family and instead onto others. This has meant we have sacrificed our own relationship at times. I think it is so important to make time for each other and to still ‘date’. Its too easy to get caught up with life, drift apart and realise you’ve just become friends instead of husband and wife or, worse, you are just co-existing in each others company. I’ve seen it happen to so many friends and, if I’m honest, I have felt like this at times in the past year. Moving to Bournemouth has helped to change that already and now 2012 is to focus on each other again, to remind ourselves what it is we love about each other, to move into the next stage of our lives together as one not two separate entities. I know, if we achieve the above, it will make all the difference to our relationship.

Its a great to be able to start a new year in such a positive light. Just because I’ve been told it is going to be a good year I already believe it and want to make it so.

So, because it has helped me, 2012 is going to be your year too! Go forth and make it so!

Happy New Year Everyone!

For One Week Only

Christmas is a funny (strange) time of year!

If you are like me, you spend the whole year fearing it keeping it always just out of site in the back of your mind but never too far away because you know, even in January, that the next Christmas will sneak up on you like a lion stalking its prey.

The closer it gets, the more you start to worry about how you’ll ever afford it and every time another friend or family member has a baby, you try not to scowl as the ch-ching noise sets off in your head representing another £15 (give or take depending on relationship to you) you’ll have to spend out this year!

The next worry is how is there enough time to buy all the presents for everyone, and what the hell will you buy the couple that have everything this time after you know the novelty tea-pot cosy was stuffed in the bottom of a kitchen drawer last year?

Around October I begin the Excel spreadsheet. Every year I vow to start the shopping process a month earlier this time but when you are holding on to the last bit of sunshine and jetting off on your summer holiday in September, Christmas shopping is the last thing you want to be thinking about!

‘The Spreadsheet’ consists of a column for name, present idea, shop option(s), estimated price, actual price and notes. This enables me to keep track of how much I’m spending, what I’ve bought and who I’ve still got left to buy for…until about 2 weeks before Christmas where I lose track or any interest in keeping the silly spreadsheet up to date. You’ll notice the reference to I when it comes to buying? Yes, I do the buying for both of us in our family with Stuart just buying mainly for me, a present for Callum and any member of his family left in the week before Christmas – my choice, my nerves couldn’t take it if I left him responsible for anything else – some may say I’m a bit of a control freak!. My brain just wouldn’t cope without ‘The Spreadsheet’ – when we are staying home for Xmas dinner there will also be a tab for the food shop too!

The house gets turned into a tacky grotto the first week of December! Tinsel and baubles and dancing Christmas tree galore! Its so strange how I approach the day when I’ll put the tree and decorations up with such excitement and festive spirit when come the day after boxing day I detest the same joyful decorations and can’t wait to rip them down and return my house to its normal cluttered but less chaotic state. No fear that I’ll receive bad luck if the decorations are not down by the 12th day of Christmas – you are lucky if there are still decorations up at New Year in my house.

So, you survive the present buying panic (will there be a mad dash to the actual shops when the online shopping you bought back in November fails to make an appearance the day before Christmas Eve?), you’re all prepared, wrapped, ready to go and the big day arrives!

You know all that moaning and stressing above? Yes that drivvle and ranting above that you’ve just suffered through reading (assuming you are, of course, still with me at this point and not abandoned for a much more pleasant cup of tea with that last mince pie (of chocolate roll if you are me!)) – well you can now forget it all. Cross it out, scrap it! Cos its all worth it to watch your little boy’s face when he sees a stocking full of santa presents, to find the cookie eaten, the carrot munched and the milk & Baileys drunk, the wide eyes as he notices the previously carpeted floor transformed into a sea of brightly coloured and shiny paper, bows and ribbons.

The alcohol starts flowing early so there’s a new meaning to Christmas spirit! Everyone eats far too much! The same crappy cracker jokes cause the same unimpressed groans yet no one cares and we all laugh anyway as the silly paper hat goes on and we try to palm off the pointless mini photo frame prize onto our neighbour, while swiping the mini emery board to file that niggling nail and the mini pack of screwdrivers joins the other 5 packs from the previous years in the ‘everything’ drawer in the kitchen as, you never know, one day they might come in useful!

The joy that you get when everyone likes the presents that you’ve bought. To me, buying presents for people and watching them open them is such a selfish pleasure. When you take a risk on something that they could either love or loath and the risk pays off – they love it! You can’t beat that feeling!

So, for us, Christmas is over for another year! Its the 29th of December. It was a particularly successful year on the present front for both the giving and receiving! Even better, the decorations are down and I’ve found a home for everything!

On with the New Years Resolutions which will be broken by the end of January and then the Christmas fear will follow but, just for now, for this week, all that is forgotten again. For one week only, I love Christmas!

Screenshot

I know you’ve had enough blog posts tonight but thought this was significant enough to do a screen print of my blogspot dashboard summary…

Look at the numbers!

My Reiki Journey: Reiki Stage I

Today was my Reiki workshop to achieve my Reiki Stage I – which gives you the ability to self-heal and heal close “friends, family, pets, plants and all living things”.
The day was a nice and relaxed day with the morning spent reading about the history of Reiki, going through the 5 Principles of Reiki and the responsibilities that come from practising Reiki.
Then after lunch we went on to the practical of learning how to prepare and carry out a Reiki treatment on ourselves and on someone else.
First was the self healing steps which we must complete every day for the next 21 days. This takes us through a cleansing and healing period (which lasts 30 days inclusive of the above 21 days). We are encouraged to keep a journal during this 21 day period, which I will do (but will keep private), to record anything we feel or are aware of during these sessions.
Then we learnt the steps of carrying out a healing on someone else using each other for practise – I was delighted to be getting the chance to have another Reiki healing treatment. I was the healee first while my fellow student went through the steps then we swapped over.
After this we received our Attunement which opens the healing energy flow allowing us to become a channel for Reiki healing for ourselves and others.
Finally we were presented with our certificates.
Obviously the above is very simplified and just a brief overview – the actual workshop was a lot more informative with Lorraine sharing her own experiences, her personal methods and her beliefs to support what we were learning. It was nice being a relaxed session where we could all share and talk about our personal experiences.
My next steps:

1. Complete the 21 days of self healing
2. I would like to read some books on Reiki to broaden my knowledge
3. Buy some crystals. I keep going into shops, feeling overwhelmed then walking out but I have seen in my mind the type of crystal I need first and will just go with my instinct on the others, as recommended by Lorraine (or use my newly purchased dowsing crystal)
4. Attend a Reiki share (Monday)
5. Practice Reiki on myself and others and hopefully book on the next stage course in the new year

The things that ‘concern’ me from this list is taking the time (about 20 minutes preferably) to meditate and complete the 21 days of self-healing. With a 3 year old about it is unlikely I’ll be able to do it during the days (except when he is in nursery) and so I have to make a conscious effort to do so in the evening after dinner – I find it all too easy to slob in front of the tv and switch off from the world (or I just get addicted to Twitter for the evening!).
I am also a little concerned about what I might have to face during my self-healing and cleansing phase. I’m pretty sure there are going to be a number of things from my past which I am going to be made to face. I know it is for my own good so I can move on – but knowing this is different to doing it and I know its not going to be easy. I think I am strong enough and ready to do it though. Keeping the journal will probably help.

Fingers, arms, legs and toes !

Keep everything crossed! We’ve found a house, we’ve made an offer and….AND…..IT’S BEEN ACCEPTED!!!!!

Not going to tell you too much about it yet but just to say its AMAZING! More than we could ever have imagined and perfect too!

Sooo soooo happy right now.

We are hoping for end of January for completion so please can you all keep all fingers, arms, legs and toes crossed until then.

I expect to hear of people falling over and culinary injuries from now on otherwise I’ll be having words, you here?!

What Running App Do You Use?

I have decided to do a comprehensive review of running apps for Android phones, I need to find out what the top 6 or so are and review them all as it is becoming apparent that there are lots out there.

My thoughts so far are to review:

Runtastic (because that is what I have been using)
Runkeeper
CardioTrainer
Edomondo

However, this could all change depending on your responses.

Please could you leave a comment to tell me what Running App you use, why you use it and whether you'd recommend it. Then, based on the responses, I'll download the Free versions of the apps (as I think the free versions may be of more interest to people - may review the pro versions at a later date when feeling a bit flush) and over the course of however long will try out each of the apps. It is likely I will only use each app once or twice as it will take me forever otherwise!!

Thank you for your help

Running App Review: Watching this Space!

I was going to write a review comparing the two running apps that appear to be favourite among me and my fellow runners and bloggers – Runtastic and RunKeeper.

Having already been using Runtastic for a while and have upgraded (and paid!!!!) to ProRuntastic, I downloaded the RunKeeper app and went to use it today. I went to settings and tried to set it to automatically update Twitter (as my Runtastic app already does) and it wouldn’t let me, I had to log into runkeeper.com through a web browser. Hrmph! Not a good sign as I could do this straight from the app on my phone with Runtastic. I start up my laptop and load up the site – I have forgotten the password I used so reset it. Fine, set up Twitter and save any changes I’ve made to settings, go back to phone. Doesn’t recognise the account because the password doesn’t match! Of course! I log in again on phone with the new password. It wont do anything now because of some error. I give up. I load up Runtastic and go for a run!

So far this probably isn’t a fair review as it is probably down to my incompetence rather than the app’s set up (though so far I am definitely finding Runtastic more user-friendly), so I will try to get to grips with RunKeeper – I will also pay for the ‘elite’ version or equivalent to the Pro account on Runtastic so that it is a fair comparison. The other thing I guess I will have to do is take a couple of runs without my iPod so I can make use of the audio features on both apps. Perhaps I’ll have to put an album to run to on my phone and see if the audio interrupts the music to give updates and encouragement etc.

Will play around with all the settings and will write a proper, fair review soon.

Spiritual Pamper Fayre

I went along to a psychic fayre today. The Reiki Master that will be teaching me Reiki, Lorraine, was the organiser and told me about it.

The event involved a number of stalls selling jewellery, spiritual books, aloe vera products, scrummy looking cakes as well as, as you’d imagine, spiritual ‘practitioners’ offering Reiki treatments, aura photography, past life readings, Tarot readings, Ascended Master readings, mediumship, psychic art plus much  more. There were also a number of free workshops running throughout the day with an hour of mediumship as well.

It was nice to see it had attracted a lot of interest as the one I attended in Surrey was a bit of a let down – there were hardly any stalls and it was empty of visitors.

As I say, this was quite the opposite. That said, there wasn’t much on the stalls selling stuff that took my interest – except the scrummy looking cakes but I really wasn’t hungry. I would have liked to see more crystals on sale – in fact, I didn’t see any (think I was after them when I went to one in Surrey but they didn’t have any either). However, there was such a wide range of readings available which, for me, was my main interest in going anyway.

I would have loved to have gone to the past life reading but it was one of the more expensive sessions and was unsurprisingly very popular with lots of times booked up so I decided to go for an Ascended Masters reading. This isn’t something I had heard of before so was intrigued to see how it varied to Angel Readings and Tarot (Angel readings are what I do and I have had a Tarot reading numerous times in the past and have also read my own Tarot card in a workshop once). Afterwards, I felt it was not too dissimilar to a Tarot reading though perhaps with a slightly different focus, I can’t really explain. The practitioner,Pauline, did say that because she reads Tarot as well, this may have an influence over how she reads the Ascended Masters cards.

Anyway, on with the reading. I pulled out 8 cards one at a time which Pauline placed on the table in a sequence. She then turned them over in turn. The first one up – Angel Healing and she said “I get from this that you are a healer yourself or you should be”- well, if that wasn’t a sure sign that I am starting on the right path with my Reiki, I don’t know what is! The reading also said the path I was embarking on was the right one – there was a very positive and definitive ‘Yes’ card!

Another thing that came out from the reading was that I have an artistic talent and that I need to do more of whatever it was. She felt this was music but this is not something I’ve actively pursued. I really enjoy music but I think I’m a bit late to be becoming talented in anything to do with it. I have, however, been trying to do more drawing recently and wonder if this is it. I’m no expert, I’m not the next Van Gogh or Monet, I wouldn’t even call myself an artist, it is just something I enjoy doing and the end result mildly resembles what I intend it to look like (she also said I should speak of my strengths not play them down or highlight may faults…yeah, this is me trying to do that…one step at a time). As an example, here is my latest offering. Its the tree that lives on the green in front of our house – it looks lovely with the autumn sun shining on its yellow leaves – it inspired me to draw it!

The reading was so clear and the majority of it made immediate sense to me.The reading was meant to be half an hour but the cards were so clear that we were finished in 10 minutes so she asked me if I had a specific question and to choose 6 more cards.

With my thoughts being very much around work at the moment and whether I should be pushing myself harder to find a job and what that job should be, my next question was “should I get a job?”.

The cards were showing that, for now, I shouldn’t be looking for a job as I needed the time to really figure out what I wanted to do and to ‘find myself’. OK, she didn’t use such a cliché but that’s pretty much how I interpreted it. I needed to work on a few things with myself and to not stress about a job. When the time was right, I’d meet someone who would help me get the right job. She also said that, once I had made up my mind what I wanted to do and when the time was right for me to get a job, I should make sure I get a good work/life balance and that I shouldn’t fully adopt just one area of my life and let the others go by the wayside.

This was reassuring. I may have said before that when the time is right for me to do a particular ‘thing’ it kind of just falls in my lap. I’m very lucky that I don’t have to fight hard for it. Yes, I usually (not always) have to go through the hard task of an interview or interviews like everyone else, and they are often far from easy, but it will happen that the job almost seeks me out rather than me seek it out. I have also fought hard for things that weren’t right for me or didn’t come about. So, perhaps I haven’t been searching for a job as hard as I could have and I couldn’t help but wonder if I was being lazy by putting all my faith in fate. I am very lucky that I have this privilege and I appreciate that if circumstances were different I’d be taking whatever job I could get but I was reassured to hear this is the right approach for me. She said if I stress about it then it wont happen but if I relax and take my time it will all fall into place. This is so much like my life. Something I should remind myself of often.

She then did a third general reading of a further 6 cards which did more to enforce what had already been said with more of the ‘Yes’ card!

I did go to the hour’s mediumship too. There were 3 mediums that did a 20 minute session each. The second one came to me with a young boy who was in spirit world that went to my school and that I was close to who passed away young (when I questioned her on this she said between the age of 6 and 17) from a childhood illness. The only person I could relate this to was one of my best friend’s brother who died of Leukaemia when my friend and I were in the final year of Junior school (her brother was in senior school). I remember it well and it was terribly sad at the time but I can’t think of why he would be coming to me. Although I was close to my friend, I wasn’t close to her brother and I was at the age where I didn’t fully appreciate death and illness in the same way as we might do adults, unless you lose someone close to you.

Other than losing enthusiasm for my studies and that whatever I am doing this boy thinks it is the perfect thing for me I didn’t really get anything else from it. She finished with a name, Christopher or Chris, but didn’t say whether he was living or in spirit and didn’t give any further information about this.

The other thing that came to me was psychic smells. The third Medium was asking someone else if it meant anything to her. She asked her if she had started to notice unusual smells (which she calls psychic smells) like flowers and orange scent. This struck a chord with me because when I was running at the beginning of the week all of a sudden I’d smell a really strong smell which was completely strange for where I was – one of these occurrences was the strong smell of orange. It wasn’t quite the fruit but more like an orange scent or another flower with an orangey smell. There was no obvious source for this smell (I think I was running past a hotel carpark at the time) and it stayed with me for quite a while like it was following me. This isn’t the first time this has happened to me and I often smell scents which don’t make sense (pardon the pun) for what is happening around me – often they’ll be in my own home and will remain unexplained and will disappear as quickly as they arrived. When the lady she was talking to couldn’t understand it she asked the room so I raised my hand. She said when you start to open yourself spiritually your vibration becomes lighter enabling the spirits to try to ‘show off’ to you and this is one of the ways in which they do it. There have been a few strange things happening recently – more than normal – so this would make sense.

After the hour of mediumship I left the fayre to go and meet Stuart and Callum, who I had left exploring Moors Valley Country Park.

The event certainly left me with lots to ponder on.

My Reiki Journey–My First Treatment

Following on from my last post, Friday was the day of my first Reiki treatment experience.

To find out more about Lorraine Tricksey, and what she does, please visit her website at The Healing Garden Centre.

Lorraine, knowing my wish to learn Reiki myself, was very kind as to spend time with me to find out my current knowledge and experience of Reiki and to go on to explain more about it. So much of what she said made sense to me.

On arrival I was feeling a bit embarrassed that I actually knew very little about Reiki and yet here I was turning up to a treatment wanting to learn it. For anything else, I would have researched it within an inch of its life but I was turning up very unprepared. For some reason, it just hasn’t occurred to me to fully research Reiki – which sounds like madness considering it is something I have wanted to learn for so long. But Lorraine put me at ease immediately and assured me I wasn’t mad and her journey started off very similar to mine.

I did know that, for everyone that has a Reiki treatment, it is completely individual what that person experiences. It could be healing for the mind, body or spirit. Personally, I could probably do with all three so I was very eager to find out what would happen on my treatment.

I didn’t really know what to expect – maybe some feelings of warmth in the ‘problem’ places of my body but other than that, no idea.

Firstly, Lorraine used a Dowsing Crystal which she ran down the length of my body to see if there were particular areas that showed up as ‘needing attention’ more than others (she could probably put it a lot more eloquently than me). Straight away the vibrations were evident at the various chakra points in my body and I could, myself, see the crystal and chain tighten as if being pulled. She said that my intuition and my third eye were closed and the crystal was vibrating quite clearly at these areas around my head.

Following this initial reading of my body, all I then had to do was relax. Lorraine was very respectful to my levels of comfort, checking what I was comfortable with before proceeding with the healing. Lorraine started at my head and I instantly felt the heat but what surprised me was the colours I saw behind my eye lids. Having never particularly (knowingly) been aware of colours or auras, this took me by surprise. It started off a kind of turquoise colour and then turned slowly to bright green and almost yellow and took over the whole of the inside of my eyes. As Lorraine’s hands moved the colour reacted differently. Its hard to describe without drawing a picture. What it reminded me of, if you’ve ever played music through a Playstation, and you get that those patterns across your TV screen – it was like one of those. When Lorraione moved her hands away from my head and on to other areas of my body, the patterns started circling in one direction, then it would change and go the other way, next would be a circle that would pull into the centre into a dot. It was fascinating to watch. At one point I remember my eyes really start to flicker – a bit when you are watching someone going through REM sleep.

The place I felt the strongest reaction physically was in my back. Not a huge surprise as I have suffered with non-specific back pain for some time now and I am taking regular medication for but I did not tell Lorraine any of this. The feeling I  got when Lorraine was concentrating on this area was a bit like when I had my epidural when in labour with Callum, like a cool liquid was passing through my back in waves, yet Lorraine’s hands still felt hot (not warm, hot!).

After the treatment, Lorraine said she felt a lot around my stomach and chest perhaps in relation to anxiety and described it like bubbles as if releasing the bubbles of anxiety. It is not something I am aware of but it is not the first time I’ve been told this (with the same bubbles reference too). I wonder if it is largely more to do with my feelings as a child as there was a period when I was living on my nerves due to a bully friend and a bully cousin. I hadn’t thought about this at the time so not sure if this would still pick up from when I was a child. Otherwise, I would say any anxiety I feel now wasn’t anything more than the average person feels. She also mentioned a sensation like a heartbeat skipping a beat (my heart does actually do this) and said that the healing here is likely to be around emotion and feelings of the heart. This also linked in with the colour I was seeing as, apparently, green also relates to the heart and emotions.

She then questioned me about whether I suffered from problems with my hips – my back pain is in my hip area.

Lorraine is also a medium so often sees spirits around the table when healing. She informed me there are lots of people around me so she wondered whether I had known a lot of people that had passed over or whether they were there waiting for me to begin my Reiki path and they were there waiting to help me.

My instinct tells me that they are waiting for me to learn Reiki as, although there have been a few people in my life that have passed away, I would say the number is relatively few for my age. Also I have been told this before, that there are lots of people waiting for me to open my mind spiritually, and I have also been told I have a lot of people around me that I haven’t necessarily known well, if at all (like my Mum’s father who died when she was 3).

Lorraine didn’t tell me anything that surprised me which pleased me because she told me things I had been told before. When you go for a reading of some sort, there are so many charlatans out there, and we’ve all watched Derren Brown, that sometimes you just don’t know what’s true and what’s not. What Lorraine told me made a lot of sense to what I had already been told. It actually wasn’t Lorraine’s authenticity that was in question, I had a lot of faith in her but her reiterating what others had told me gave me confidence in those people I had seen previously.

We talked a lot and I could connect to so many of the things Lorraine talked about whether they were her own experiences, the way she explained what Reiki was to me or what she was aware of during my healing session.

She also told me something that I can’t quite connect to at the moment but it was so beautiful that I wanted to write it down to come back to later.

She saw a scene of me when I was about 6 years old where I was sitting on a swing in a green area with trees around that wasn’t completely rural but more like a garden. I was on my own but rather than feeling lonely I didn’t because I knew I wasn’t alone because there were spirits around me.

I am going to ask my mum if she remembers such a place where I might have been. She did say sometimes it is an event that has happened but other times it is symbolic or a metaphor, so it could be the latter.

Overall, my first step on my Reiki journey was a very enjoyable one and I am looking forward to the next step.

Recently, I have been having more and more unexplained experiences so I know I am slowly opening myself up again to my spiritual side. I am learning to relax about such experiences and instead of feelings of fear as I used to feel I am actually getting quite excited by them.

I am very excited to be starting my Reiki path and I hope you will join me as I will continue to blog my journey and I will share with you any more ‘experiences’ I may have.

My Reiki Journey – the Background

Yesterday I had my first ever Reiki treatment. I’ll go on to explain how it went in the next post but first a bit of background.

When I was a child (we are talking about 11 and upwards here) I used to give massages to my family – nothing ‘funny’, they had a headache, sore neck, shoulder, back, foot pain etc and I used to have a natural ability to massage it better. Clearly, at aged 11, I had no training or knowledge about what I was doing, I just did it intuitively. They used to ask for me to help them so it wasn’t just a polite “oh, how sweet of her” praise. I used to ask them later or the next day how their ‘ailment’ was and they were amazed that it had improved.

So that lead to the family commenting that I should do something along the lines of healing massage when I was older as I appeared to have a natural gift.

On the spiritual side, I have always had an interest in the paranormal, supernatural, spirit world etc. I am intuitive to emotions and events often knowing in advance when something is going to happen. Sometimes I know exactly what it is and sometimes I just know ‘some thing’ is going to happen, sometimes I will know if it is a good thing or a bad thing. This intuition used to be a lot stronger when I was younger but as I have got older and been preoccupied with other things in life, with friends and family, this intuition has, admittedly, got weaker. Or more precisely, it is there but I often don’t stop to listen to it.

I believe in Angels and I do Angel readings. Mainly for myself but also for friends and family if someone asks. I ‘speak’ to the Angels and, if there is a friend or family member I am worried about or who is going through a challenging time,I will ask the Angels to help.

So, it may be no surprise to many, that I have had a ‘calling’ some might say to learn Reiki and become a Reiki healer. Until yesterday, I had never experienced it and had very little knowledge of it but, within me, I’ve had this unexplainable drive to learn it for a long time. People that don’t know me particularly well, have said they think it is something I’d be good at, not knowing it was already something I felt strongly about.

I have been looking into actually learning it for a couple of years now but it has never actually taken off. Either the Reiki Master who ran the lessons was unavailable or the course was too expensive or some other reason, therefore it just hasn’t happened yet. When moving to Bournemouth, I had several activities or hobbies I wanted to pick up again or start, Reiki being one of them. But there were just too many to be able to realistically dedicate time to all of them. In a conversation with my mum, I said I just needed a sign for which one was the right one to concentrate on. Often, if it is the right path for me to take, things just naturally fall in to my lap, so to speak. Two days later, my mum finds out that the mother of the beauty therapist we both see is a Reiki Master and teaches Reiki.

Here was my sign. When I thought about it, this was no real surprise, of course, my Angels had a vested interest in me learning Reiki as the two go very well together but I was still very flattered they, too, felt it was a skill I could learn and share with others.

So I made enquiries and found out the lovely lady and Reiki Master, L, who ran the courses was running a Level 1 course in December for a couple of people that missed her last course. For those of you who are not familiar with the levels of Reiki they are as follows:

Reiki 1 (First Degree) – self-healing and healing close friends, family and animals
Reiki 2 (Second Degree) – enables you to become a Reiki Practitioner
Reiki 3 (Masters &Teachers Degree - sometimes broken down into 3 separate degrees) – As the title suggests, it enables you to teach Reiki yourself

I spoke to Stuart who said I could only do the course if I had a treatment myself first – how could I understand what the other person was experiencing (if I went on to be a healer) if I hadn’t experienced it myself. He had a point and L wholeheartedly agreed and explained she had a very similar experience herself. Something within her told her she should learn Reiki then she had a treatment herself and all it did was cement the thought in her mind even more and she then took the next steps to be where she is today.

In truth, there is very little I actually know about Reiki, I’ve just known for a long time it is what I want to do.

I will share with you my experience of my first Reiki treatment in my next post.

Running Against Gravity

I have one key frustration with running – gravity! It must be that, its the only reason I can think of! People naturally gravitating towards me when I am running.

For instance, I’m running behind a couple on a 1.5 meter width path (or there abouts) and there is loads of room for the couple and me. They are facing the other way and are nicely over to one side so plenty of room to run past them so I start moving to that side of the path (at this point I’m about 15ft behind them), out of the blue they move too! I doubt they can hear me yet, I’m not a loud panter when I run (as far as I know) or a heavy footer, so why do they suddenly move. Fine, I move to the other side of the path and, sure enough, they do too! What’s wrong with these people? Are they heavily under the influence and struggling to walk in a straight line? If that’s the case then so is every other individual or couple out and about at 8am in the morning!! I move again, and by now I am literally just about to pass them, and they knock into me and glare at me as if I did it on purpose – rude, bolshie runner that I am!

So, I try saying “excuse me” but they don’t hear as they are deep in conversation or whatever so I say it again, but a little louder this time. They jump about a mile as I’ve half scared them to death. Maybe my manic, out of breath squeal sounds like a psychotic murder excited by his next kill? By now I’m right on top of them (literally, because they jumped into my path in fright!) and again, I get the glare! Particularly from old ladies this one!

So, yesterday, I ran on the road to avoid the pavement dancing and guess what? Someone decided, right as I was about to pass them (but with me on the road and them on the pavement), yes, just at that precise second, to cross the bloody road! Why???? Have I been magnetised? Is there some magic in those running shoes of mine? Perhaps the toes emit the female version of Linx and projects it forward where men and women are instantly drawn to me!? OK, I’m just dreaming there – if that were true, I’d never take them off.

I wouldn’t mind but I don’t make a point of running down a busy street with everyone walking to work or college or whatever, I run down side streets, down the beach, through public gardens. Whatever it is, I’m either going out with some kind of advancing alarm next time or megaphone!

Is it just me or are there any other runners out there that shares this running phenomenon?

Run, Rabbit Run, Rabbit Run Run Run

We all have an exercise or sport that suits us a little more than all the others, even if you don’t know what it is yet. For me it is running.

Now, I love lots of sport/exercise:

• Climbing
• Horse-riding
• Body-boarding
• Running (as I’ve mentioned)
• The gym
• Football (yes that is playing!)
• Boxercise
• British Military Fitness (although only attended the trial session, I loved it)

To name just a few and I am sure there would be more from those I haven’t yet tried. However, out of the above, most cost money, whether it be initial start off costs for all the gear or whether it be for an on going cost per activity. Most are time consuming to travel to and/or to actually do.

Then there is running which is free and you can start from right outside your front door. I say free, I suppose there is the cost of trainers and, being a sufferer of shin splints in the past, a good pair of trainers that suit your individual running style are invaluable. I always know when I’ve had mine too long as my shin splits return. I have often spent the same amount on them as you would a fashion pair, sometimes less,so they aren’t necessarily going to break the bank – unlike the equipment/gear for other sports/exercises.

I still can’t believe I ran a 3.5mile race with serious shin splints without stopping – I’m bloody stubborn when I want to be, so much so that it crosses the line into stupidity – I could barely walk by the end and had to take 6-8 weeks off running. The reasons for the shin splints – an old, tatty pair of non-running trainers!

I get bored of repetition and, even in the gym, I used to have a huge bank of different exercises that I used to rotate round and then drop/add another exercise every 6 weeks! Running,again, is great for avoiding that. You get bored of your route, you change it. Go down a different street, run around a beautiful place like a park or, if you are lucky enough (like me) to live near the sea, then run down by the beach.

The next criteria to be a good sport or exercise in my book is I have to be able to see an improvement quickly and have the potential to be ok at it. With running, I can count the distance and can always, very quickly, see an improvement, striving for the next mile.

It is a great way to ‘clear your mind’ too. Particularly, if there is something troubling me or I’m angry about something, I can spend that time processing it in my mind and, in fact, it helps my running if there is something on my mind, because I don’t focus on the run, therefore getting through the miles without even noticing.

Of course, you can run competitively against other people but, for me, there’s no better competition than myself – always trying improve and do better than the last run!

Then there are the sports I don’t like:

Swimming – In my opinion, swimming pools are there to play, splash and have fun in. I see nothing fun about swimming up and down in straight lines trying not to splash or catch the eye of the swimmer in the next lane that’s doing butterfly strokes with goggles on and, in my case, swimming 6 lengths to my one – that’s if I manage the one. I am not a strong swimmer having cheated at many of my ribbons and badges at school by walking along the floor, kicking up my legs once in a while. Not something I’m proud of, I wish I had tried harder and was a better swimmer – I’ll encourage my children to swim – but you can’t change the past and I am not that fussed about trying to change the future, where swimming is concerned!

Bikes that don’t actually move! – How dull can you get? and they are bloody hard work! Yes, I know the bike is fab for your bum and legs and is a great exercise if you get shin splints, but nope, not for me. And don’t even think about suggesting Spinning! What cruel, satanic, person dreamed up that exercise. I did try it once – and it was a beginners class. All these people were standing up, peddling for the walls (why don’t they put a poster of hills or something on the gym walls, surely there must be some kind of motivation even if it is static?), with the wind in their hair (could just be the high powered fan or maybe wind of another kind from the ‘cyclist’ in front) with a stark look of determination on their face. Whereas I was sitting down collapsed over the front handlebars wondering how I was going to survive the next 43 minutes (of a 45 minute class). I survived, just, but did most of it sitting down and on the least resistance!

Aerobics – Now, it isn’t that I dislike aerobics, I actually quite enjoy it – usually because I’m laughing my socks off at the back of the class as I bump into everyone next to me and am always a move behind. Its just not ‘my exercise’. I’d do it again if I was up for a giggle and had a good friend to go along with but its certainly not something, with my co-ordination (or lack of it), I’m ever going to be good at and I’m not sure the rest of the class found my bumper car impression as funny as I did! It is for this reason, I have never chanced a dancercise style class, despite the fact it always looks like lots of fun when I’ve seen it on the TV or heard people talk about it.

So there you have it – that’s why I love running! I’m never going to be an Olympic champion and may not ever even make it to marathon standards (though I dream that maybe one day I will) but hey, I can do it and I like it! Listening to my Running playlist on my iPod while my Runtastic App on my HTC Desire records my stats as I run down Bournemouth beach just after sunset. What isn’t there to like?

So, just so you know, you may get the odd post from me relating to running - like my next post that tells of a particular woe I seem to suffer from…

Window shopping and a door or two and maybe some walls and a roof…

So the hunt is on! We are looking for a new house to buy! I’m having so much fun!

Now, what girl doesn’t like shopping? Well, me actually, when it is clothes shopping or food shopping! I am actually a crap girl where that kind of shopping is concerned. I can’t stand sales as I am usually looking for something in particular and they take all the usual stock off the shelves. I’ll be more than happy paying full price, I just want whatever that thing is but can’t find it! Otherwise, if I purposely go sale shopping I get there too late for anything good to still be left. I can’t be doing that queuing at the crack of dawn stuff to bustle all the other ladies out of the way just so I can grab a bargain!  I remember my sister going to the Next sale at 8.5 months pregnant and the other women were taking no prisoners, pregnant or not! I just can’t be doing that.

Anyway, I digress slightly.

House shopping is totally different! You get to go and have a good old nosey at other peoples houses saying “I like that bathroom but no, the garden’s too small” and “Yes, well the whole thing needs decorating and modernising”.

And some of the houses you see.  Some are like walking back in time – they’ve actually made me a little sentimental as they often remind me of my late Nan. The same walnut and glass cabinets containing dodgy porcelain ornaments and ornamental plates, the same gaudy carpets which clash with the chintz wallpaper that’s a different chintz to the 3 piece suite and most of all, the same musty smell! I love you Nan!

Then there are the houses that are just stunning – probably above your budget but you go to see them anyway because you can’t resist, telling yourself they may drop 50k, you never know…!

We have very particular criteria, like people often do when they are buying house, but may not be the usual things the Estate Agent expects to hear:

1. There must be a downstairs loo, sorry ‘cloakroom’
2. There must be a dishwasher or room to put a dishwasher
3. It must be perfectly decorated or needs very little doing to it, and finished to a high spec! After moving into our last property that was ‘liveable’ but needed a bit of decorating, new bathroom (I mean, mint green suite and brown flower tiles!!!) and ideally a new kitchen when we moved in and still needed mostly redecorating (we had done the 3 bedrooms) and desperately needed a new kitchen when we moved out 6 years later (having only just done the bathroom!)– we know we just aren’t cut out for decorating/renovating a house, as lovely as the theory might be. Even with my Dad (DIY man & decorator extraordinaire) just up the road this time – we don’t want to take any risks!
4. Preferably, not too big a garden – enough to stick a trampoline in and to sit out and enjoy with a bbq in the summer. Having had lovely quite big gardens in the past that I just couldn’t keep up with the maintenance for – I want to be a bit more realistic with my gardening skills (or lack of them) this time

There are others too, like number of bedrooms, guest room/study space etc but the above are what’s important to us!

Its also a bit like playing a game of top trumps.

You go to see a house and you do all the oohs and ahhs that the Estate Agent wants to hear and they tell you to get in quick if you want a second viewing. You are even contemplating the second viewing. Then you go to the next house and it trumps the last one so when Estate Agent A calls you have to say sorry, no, Estate Agent B has just shown me better house than yours, we’re not interested any more. So Estate Agent A says, have you seen this house then? And true enough, it is again even better than the last one.

Although, I am a little nervous as we haven’t got our mortgage in principle done yet so its a bit like shopping with a brand new credit card but you haven’t found out the limit! But then you can also kid yourself its free unlimited money that means you can afford that stunning perfect mansion!

And its easy to keep going higher when you don’t have a set budget yet. You look at what you think you can afford and you are relatively happy with that.Then you look at the next band up and think wow, they look lovely, think how much better it would be if we had that much to spend. You do some calculations and, good news, you can save a bit here and stretch a bit there, settle for 10% deposit instead of 15% and who needs chairs to sit on and an oven to cook on anyway? and you realise you can afford the next band up, then you see the band above that…and so on! Greed, I guess it is! We always want more and always think we deserve more!

Ultimately, I must remember, I just want a cosy and safe place to bring up my family – the home is what you make it, after all! Was going to say “as long as its full of love” but that’s just a little bit too cheesy!

So, bring on the next house!

A Day Trip to London

Firstly, lets just get this clear, I used to live in London. I lived in Balham for about 2 years and then South Wimbledon for another 18 months.I had worked in London way before I first moved there – straight from college at 18 in fact! I am no stranger to London!!!
So, why was it, I found myself giddy as a schoolgirl on a train to London for a day class for my CIPD course?
Because I felt like me again!
As I looked around at my fellow passengers, guessing what their story was? Where were they going? Who were they going to meet? I realised that they, too, might be wondering the same about me. Did they know I was married with a son – well the engagement ring and wedding ring might have given away the marriage but what about the rest of me. I was just like them…a stranger, a mystery. For some reason, I don’t feel like this when I’m with Callum. Everyone knows I’m a mother and that’s all they see. That overshadows everything else I might be so being just me, on my own, makes me feel like I’m my own person again. Not just someone’s mother and someone’s wife! I had a life once, I had a job – I used to travel the world as part of my job and I loved it! I feel a long way away from that right now!
So that is why I found myself excited to be venturing on a trip to London.
Giddy with excitement, I bought a little bottle of red wine from the little drinks/food cart. Hmmm, why is it, when I bought/chose a bottle of wine when on my own on a plane, I felt classy but on a train, I felt like a desperate alcoholic. Probably, you might say, is because I am certainly a desperate wino and a close step behind being a desperate alcoholic but, “nah nah nah nah nah” I can’t hear you, I’ve got my fingers in my ears!
I spend a very enjoyable evening with my friend who cooks for me a reminiscent spaghetti bolognaise (used to be a common ‘mince’ theme whenever we (and another friend) got together for dinner in our London days) drinking lots of red wine and then I head off for my course from her house the next day.
Then its the part of London I do not miss! The reason I used to get to work for 8am rather than the expected 9am! The PUBLIC TRANSPORT!!! (sorry for the shouting but they are two words that, in London, make me want to shout). I have an hour to get from Clapham Junction to my course in Portland Place. Theoretically, given that the crow could fly it in about 5 minutes, this should be plenty of time! I get to Clapham Junction and have to let two tins pass before I am rewarded with my own place as a sardine along the other fishy fellows otherwise known as commuters (I’d like to say that was just a metaphor but at the close proximity we shared, I’m not so sure if it was only that). While I twisted my arm backwards to hold on to a bar to stop myself ending up on someone’s lap I had to endure the snooty looks from a lady with enough breathing space to blow a bubble (a premium on these rush hour trains) because I just happened to touch her hair. Are you kidding me woman? Would you rather I lurched forward and hugged you as the train jolted forward because I didn’t break my arm trying to hold on?
Then I get to waterloo and have to make the decision – bus or tube? I need to get to Oxford Street (well Portland Place) so either 4 stops on the Bakerloo line or a shortish journey by bus. Hmmm….which will be quicker? I’ve still 30 mins to make my course so plenty of time for either and even time for picking up brekkie and a cup of tea on the way. I go for tube. I get down to the tube and join the back of the queue no where near the tube platform but I am pleased that after the first train comes and goes, I make it easily onto the platform. I even get a good space. Then I wait, and wait, and people cram in behind me, making the sardine experience of the overland train suddenly feel like the gulf between two strangers on a bench (worlds apart!). I should’ve taken the bus! Too late now! No chance of going back the way I came and all I can do is wait some more! Which is when the announcement comes that not only is the service part suspended on the Southbound train but there are severe delays now on the Northbound train (I’m Northbound). I check the time – 08:56! Its not gonna happen, the course starts at 9am – I’m not getting to my course on time!
Thankfully, I don’t miss anything of importance (as I’d already covered the material they went over first on a previous session) and am only 30-45 minutes late and the person after me was 2-3 hours late.
So after the study day is done, I’m left with a 2 hour wait for my train home (part of the deal to get the cheaper tickets!).
Bearing in mind that while I lived in London, I only saw two famous people – Ainsley Harriet who borrowed my lighter because I smoked the same cigarettes and, I’m clutching at Z list celebs here, Brian (the gay one) from a distance on the Clapham South tube station platform – why did I now find myself on Waterloo Station concourse expecting that, any minute now, a famous person was going to cross my path. Several times I saw a look-a-likey! I’d turned into a non-Londoner – someone that gets over-awed with London and thinks that if you come from London, you must know '”my mate Ian Roberts,he lives in London” and believes that the likes of Kate Moss and Ray Whinstone are casual acquaintance of every Londoner and at the very least real Londoners must bump into them in the street on a weekly basis!
Unsurprisingly, in my two hour wait, no one famous crosses my path and my train eventually appears on the board – platform 11. However, front 4 coaches go to Weymouth, rear 5 coaches go to Bournemouth. So, I jump on nice and early in the first 5 coaches as I get off before Bournemouth at my parent’s in New Milton. Then, just as the train leaves and everyone else has taken their seating/standing position, they announce that those getting off at New Milton (and another several stations) need to be in the front 4 coaches due to short platforms!! I have to leave my nice comfortable seat to wonder up the train in that manner that says “I know how to walk up a moving train” but failing badly as there is a sudden BIG jolt from the train finding me close to sitting on some poor unsuspecting guy’s lap and narrowly missing flattening his laptop with my hand because, ironically, it wasn’t on his lap it was on a table which is where I put my hand to steady myself. Good job it wasn’t his lap as that may have been a tad embarrassing! Thankfully, as I make it to the front carriages, the train is a lot less busy and seats are in abundance so I find another comfortable seat for the remainder of my journey. Feeling tired and a little bit sad that I’m going to wake up tomorrow a Mum again but thinking, I’ve missed my little man.
Then, at 5am the next day as I’m being kicked in the kidneys by aforementioned missed little man, I re-evaluate…is London transport really that bad….?

Oops! Catch up!

So, found myself recently writing blog posts in my head and my laptop time just can't keep up with me!!! Thought it was about time to reconnect with this blog and to start posting again to get what's in my head, taking up valuable organisation and OCD space, out so I can get back to my organising and OCD!

So, the major update that overrules any other....WE HAVE MOVED!

Here we now are living in Bournemouth!

We are currently living in a nice little 2 bed cottage in between Bournemouth and Boscombe. Just renting at the moment but are already on the hunt for our next house to buy. We are 10 minutes from the beach (*does a little dance), about a 15 minute pushchair walk (times by 10 when the 3 year old decides he wants to walk/meander) or 5 minutes by the many frequent buses that drive past our house into Bournemouth centre – to where all the shops are, 25 minutes from my parents and brother & sister-in-law with their offspring, less than 20 minutes from my sister & brother-in-law with their offspring – that’s all on the upside. On the downside, we are further from my in-laws, our friends in The Ming and to get into London without taking out a loan to pay for it, requires months of forward planning (to go there and back in one day is just short of £100 unless you are lucky enough to get well in advance tickets or go up the day before!! but that's another blog post!). 

Anyway, here is a picture of our little house.

Looking back now, the actual move wasn’t too bad. It had its stressful moments and its not so stressful moments. Callum was a dream and was ready to move as soon as we said go – in fact he didn’t want to go back inside the house or especially inside his room on the last day for some fear he was going to be left there or something.

Following the move was a hell of a lot more stress – for me at least, think Stuart is still in awe of his 7 minute walk to work – if you haven’t heard about it, count yourselves as one of the few. Reading back at my previous post I said I generally look forward to change but am often disappointed later when things don’t go as well as I anticipate. Well, yeah, that! I had a hard time adjusting. I’ve gone from being full time employed around friends in an environment I feel comfortable, familiar, to being a full time mum trying to arrange utility bills, change addresses around trying to be a (bad) mum in an unfamiliar place a long way from my friends. It was tougher than I expected and by the time we went on holiday to Portugal a few weeks later, lets just say it was a holiday much needed.

I came back from Portugal a much more chilled person and, more importantly, so was Callum! I found I could get stuff/chores/phonecalls done without too much protest from Callum and could then start to really enjoy being with Callum and all that being a Stay At Home Mum (SAHM) entails.

So, for my other hopes for our life in Bournemouth, what have I achieved and what has already fallen by the weyside? Lets revisit them:

 

Stuart gets a better work-life balance so he gets to spend more quality time with Callum - maybe even do some father-son stuff together. Achieved – Stuart puts Callum to bed most nights and we have more quality time together at weekends, as a family, even if Stuart has to work some of it.

Stuart and I get to spend more couple time together so we can focus on our relationship again - feel like it has been put on the back burner for a couple of years now. Hmmm…next! Seriously, we’ve not got round to it yet. Being the time of year, my parents are being kept busy so I’ve not wanted to take advantage so early on (or later for that matter). We’ve not found any other form of babysitter yet. That said, we have taken advantage on more than a few occasions of our proximity to Bournemouth and the many restaurant’s it has to offer and have gone out for dinner as a family on a Friday/Saturday evening. As for just the two of us…yeah, we need to work on that!

Stuart and I can start going body-boarding properly rather than just an attempt when we go to Devon/Cornwall - I'll worry about fitting back into the wetsuit later... the closest I’ve got is to be sitting on the beach with Callum and an ice-cream while watching jealously as the surfers and bodyboards hit the waves! To be honest, there haven’t been ‘that’ many opportunities with the waves being pretty flat but when they’ve been there, there’s not a lot I can do about it! Not with Callum about! I even tried to find him his first wetsuit in the hope I could kinda take him with me but, not for at least another year. He is still far too skinny!

Callum will get to grow up near the sea and beach Yep! We are definitely taking full advantage of that. It has been lovely to just walk to the beach, even if it isn’t so sunny. However, we have been lucky in that we’ve been having unusually high temperatures in October! Yes, October! We actually spent a day on the beach, and even went in the sea (very very briefly…frrrrr) at the beginning of October! I can’t see us ever getting bored of it – I hope we don’t ever take it for granted!

I can start horseriding  I’ve made enquiries! At the moment, I just don’t have the time. I have Callum most days and when I don’t I am either running around the house like a blue-arsed fly (does anyone other than my mum use that expression?) trying to clean the house or I am studying still trying to complete my CIPD Certificate. The end is in sight for the studying though so hopefully, maybe, if money allows, I can pick this up. I’ve now got a few (hundred) other interests I’ve remembered that I want to get round to….lets try to name them! So there’s horseriding of course; drawing (chalks primarily); Reiki; drama (yes acting is still on the cards); body-boarding (as above); climbing; knitting (yes, I did just say knitting); jewellery making…I am sure there are more! Just when am I going to fit all of that into one lifetime, I don’t quite know???

Going running along the beach Yes! Yes! Yes! I can definitely say I’ve achieved that one! About half a dozen times now or move ranging from 2.3 to 3.8 miles! Its not making much difference to my fitness or the amount I am eating/putting on weight but maybe….yeah…just maybe

So, that will do for the moment! Hopefully this blog post provides an update of where we are today. I hope to keep posting to this now that I’ve got it up to date. Starting straight away with my next post “A Day Trip to London”.

Moving to the Seaside

So, we really are moving. We have a sign outside our house to prove it!!

I am really looking forward to it. I am looking at it as the next chapter to our lives. My only fear is maybe I'm a little bit too hopeful that it is going to change our lives. I want it to mean so much. To name a few:

• Stuart gets a better work-life balance so he gets to spend more quality time with Callum - maybe even do some father-son stuff together.
• Stuart and I get to spend more couple time together so we can focus on our relationship again - feel like it has been put on the back burner for a couple of years now.
• Stuart and I can start going body-boarding properly rather than just an attempt when we go to Devon/Cornwall - I'll worry about fitting back into the wetsuit later...
• Callum will get to grow up near the sea and beach
• I can start horseriding
• Going running along the beach

OK so that was more than a few. My fears:

• I'm pinning too much hope on the hole move and I am going to be disappointed when things don't plan out how I hope.

I usually love change. I get so excited by it - its all new and its the mystery of what that change will hold and how it will shape your new life. However, I am starting to learn. Once the change actually happens, I am often disappointed that things aren't as great or exciting as I hoped.

• Callum having to go to one nursery for 6 months, moving and going to a different for a bit and also thinking about applying for schools all around that time.
• My career - will I find another job and one that I enjoy. How will this affect our family plans (did I just write that down? Family plans? More than the family we have? Have I really only had one glass of wine?). Will I have opportunity to throw myself into it as much as I hope I will.
• Friends - the ones we leave behind, the ones we are yet to meet, the ones we wont meet

I guess all these fears are natural and only time will tell. We wont know until we try.

Following on from my last post - you will notice there is no mention of the acting. It appears I've moved on again from that for the moment.

Well Hello There

So, this is my first blog post. Well not ever, just on this blog.

I have another blog but it is about my life as a mummy and is often more about my son Callum than me. I am finding an increasing need for a space I can just...well, there is no easy way to put it, I guess moan. Somewhere to get out all my thoughts whether negative or positive really to help me make sense of them.

I guess my first post is going to be a pretty boring one but where I can I will try to keep it slightly entertaining rather than just a flat out moan. I can't guarantee it though as my writing style varies.

Themes that might emerge:

• I like to moan
• I like wine
• I am constantly on a battle between diet and being free to enjoy my life
• Which leads to a battle with the mirror - anyone else find that they look lovely when there aren't any mirrors around but as soon as you step in front of one, and likewise video cameras, still cameras, shop windows etc, you pile on pounds, your hair goes lank, your skin spotty and greasy and the glam you turns into the drab, frumpy, no style impostor that stares back at you. I think I will give her a new name...Deidre! (just close enough to dreary - no offence meant to all those named dreary, I mean Deidre out there)
• I am frustrated by my lack of independence
• I frequently change my mind about what I want to be when I grow up - it is currently an actress but will go between this, a horse owner (or rider would do), a surfer chick, a professional career woman, a super fitness freak that rides, runs, climbs, body-boards and more, a stunning and glamorous super-mummy...I may even venture back to wanting to be an amazing house-wife. Now this last one I've tried and didn't rate so am in no hurry to go back but I am sure there will be times!!!

I am sure there will be others but the list given is a good place to start.

So, about me - more than I've just told you:

I am married to Stuart and it will be our fifth wedding anniversary in May (where did that time go?). We have a son called Callum who is 2 and 5 months (how did that happen?). I am an IT Trainer working in the public sector. I like my job but it doesn't stretch me as such and can be quite dull at times. The people I work with are lovely and it is a great environment but the public sector is very different to the corporate environment I left behind over 3 years ago - quite old fashioned, stuck in its ways and frustratingly slow. Not to mention the decision making process - just don't get me started. But it has been a fantastic stepping stone after over 2 years of baby cooking and then nurturing and has done wonders for my confidence in many ways.

That'll do to get us started but will come back very shortly with thoughts of family growth, relationships and more - bet you are on tenterhooks! Will try not to keep you in suspense (or suspended) for too long.

Ciao for now!...don't roll your eyes, I could have said ta ta for now!!!