Fast is Exciting!

It is often at this time of year, we all take a look at our current selves and look for ways to improve what we see! Often, that results in dieting.

I’m not one for fad diets, I prefer the exercise plus eating a balanced diet approach but that’s changing this year.as I’m about to try the Eat, Fast and live longer Diet.

I first heard about it from my husband. Shortly after I had my daughter, Millie, in August 2012, Stuart got ill with bad tonsillitis. It rendered him bedbound for several days and unable to eat. During this time, he was worried the effect that not eating for long periods (effectively fasting) would have on his body, fully expecting it to be negative. After much research (he had lots of time on his hands, when he wasn’t sleeping!), he actually found that to the contrary it could be a good thing.

It was very topical – there had recently been a documentary by Horizon on BBC2 with Michael Mosley and his research into fasting and how a new type of diet could benefit people with not only losing weight but actually reducing their chances of developing serious illnesses such as cancer, diabetes and brain conditions such as Alzheimer's.

Having now watched the documentary myself, I actually feel excited by taking on this challenge. There is a lot of research on this and I don’t want to misquote anything or get any of the facts wrong so please Google it – the 5 2 diet would be good places to start. Here is a good interview with Michael Mosley, on the BBC’s website and I have copied (and linked from Tinned Tomatoes here) the following which may be of interest:

• Our bodies have  a growth hormone called IGF -1. As a child this is what helps our bodies grow, but as adults it ages us.
• High levels of IGF-1 can lead to diabetes, heart disease and cancer.
• Lowering your levels of IGF-1 can help prevent against these diseases and can be done through your diet.
• When lowering your IGF-1 levels, growth stops and your body starts to repair cells. It also uses up your glucose and starts to burn fat, so you also lose weight.

The 5-2 diet involves fasting for 2 days and eating normally for  5. Fasting days consist of restricting your calorie intake to 400-500 for women, 500-600 for men for any 2 days within a 7 day week. The rest of the days you can eat what you want – there is no need to ‘diet’ on the other 5 days. On the documentary, tests showed that it made no difference if you ate a low fat diet on the non-fasting days to if you ate whatever you wanted. They expected that people would eat 175% of what was normal for them on the non-fasting days but in fact it was more like 110% and this did not affect the results.

The original purpose for the fasting approach was not about weightloss but was actually about the improvements it makes to health. When we fast our bodies go into ‘repair mode’. It is thought that fasting can ‘cure’ Type 2 Diabetes (as I know people with type 1 diabetes, I would like to make clear this is type 2 only and not Type 1 which is quite different) and rapidly reduce the risk of heart disease.

It is also not a new concept. Many religions and cultures have believed and been practicing fasting for centuries.

Our (actually Stuart’s) research has found few downsides (though long term research is still continuing) – don’t get me wrong, its not easy or a quick fix. Its a lifestyle change and takes will power and commitment. But from what I have read, heard and understand, it is well worth the sacrifices and knowing that you can eat what you like on the non-fasting days makes it feel achievable.

Anyway, you’ll be able to see for yourself if this is just another whim or a fad diet as I intend to blog my progress and I’ll be very honest. I will be intending to exercise too as I do believe in trying to keep your body fit.

The programme does advise that this form of dieting is not suitable for everyone and that anyone intending to fast for any period of time should seek medical advice first. Having just been pregnant and regularly undergoing health checks before during and after my pregnancy, I am confident enough in my starting health before undertaking this diet but I will be mentioning it to my Dr and/or Health Visitor when I next require a visit.

2012 Reflection and 2013 Projection

As is common at this time of year, I have been reflecting on the year just gone and thinking about what I want to achieve in the year ahead.

So, firstly, looking back. Its been a busy year!

It started on rather a low note as we had to say goodbye to our beloved cat Lottie who had been part of my life for 15 treasured years. Aside from the place in each of our hearts where she’ll always be, I am reminded every time I take to Callum to nursery or pick him up as the vets is right next door. It breaks my heart when on occasion Callum has looked over and asked where Lottie is.

Then life took a much brighter path as we bought and moved into our lovely house in March and then there was that small thing of having a baby girl in August!!!

Stuart has been through yet another hard & gruelling year at work – I swear every year he says it’ll be better the next year and then the next year is harder still. Its was hard for us as a family with work taking over precious family time more and more until it was with no surprise (but made no easier nonetheless) that Stuart fell ill when he went on to paternity leave and was forced (during long days spent unable to get out of bed) to consider his priorities. That was a turning point for him with how he balanced work time and family time. Unfortunately for him, it doesn’t mean his work has got any easier and probably harder as he has had to try to squish much more into a shorter period as he had made the decision to make working from home the exception rather than the rule. But it has made a big difference to our evenings and weekends so I thank him for that sacrifice – and for a work-a-holic, I appreciate that it is in a way a sacrifice.

We had hoped that by now, following our relocation from Surrey to Bournemouth, to have grown our local social life a little more than we have. We knew that meeting people and making connections was going to be a slow process in a new place but its probably taken longer than either of us expected. Again, probably harder for Stuart as I have at least made many mummy friends especially through my addiction moderate use of Twitter but for Stuart, his only interaction with the outside (of our family) world so far has been at work. This is starting to change now though and I am hopeful we will both start socialising and meeting more people in 2013 [makes Puss in Boots eyes at you all].

The new addition to the family has been another life changing moment on a par to when Callum entered our lives. In some ways the transition from a family of 3 to family of 4 has been less of a shock to the system as from 2 to 3 but it brings with it different challenges and the hormonal breakdowns and sleep deprivation feels much tougher 4 years on from the first time. But when I think how blessed I am with my gorgeous son and beautiful girl, I both beam and shed a tear with happiness . I couldn’t ask for anything more wonderful than the family I have – and knowing that I hopefully wont have to be pregnant ever again just adds even more sparkle to it all (I’m not a very good pregnant lady – Stuart will testify!).

So it will be fair to say 2012 has been an emotional rollercoaster.

Which brings me on to my hopes for 2013.

Quite frankly, above all I hope for a much more chilled year! I wont be making any resolutions as such but there are things I would hope to achieve in the next year.

• OK, I best make it my first point as I’ve already mentioned it above– to start socialising more as a couple. Making the relationships we have already made stronger but meeting more people that we hope will become good friends of the future.
• In addition to the above, I would also like to see more of our current very good friends who are now spread over the UK as our paths have taken us on our different journeys.
• To go to Thailand. It is my current dream holiday. I spent a very brief couple of nights there with work back in 2007 and I’ve been desperate to go back there for leisure and to take Callum with me. Because it is only worth going there for a 2 week period, we would need to take the kids. For both cost and comfort reasons, if we don’t go this year, it would mean waiting several more years longer for either both kids to be old enough to stay with relatives, or we came into a healthy sum of money [checks the lottery numbers!] plus I consider Callum only now being able to cope with a long-haul flight without sending us crazy as the other passengers made plots to throw us out the plane without a parachute between us! I imagine it will be another 3-4 years minimum before Millie is at that stage too.
• I would like to find a good job which I love but allows me to balance my role as a mother. I very much see my job as a career and I feel sad to think I may not be able to embrace it in the same way I could before children. I worry about how I will manage the juggle of school/nursery runs, childcare and work. I wont lie, I have struggled with the sacrifice that my career will always be second to Stuarts as when we took the decision to have a family, my primary role became that of a mother. When I worked full time after having Callum – the balance worked out fine as Callum was in nursery but this year he starts school so I have the confusing arrangement of schools, breakfast clubs, after-school clubs, nursery, child-minder or whatever we decide best suits our lives. Others manage it, so I am sure we will too but I do see it as being one of my biggest challenges of 2013. Firstly finding a job I love and that works for me and secondly sorting out the childcare.
• Finally, as I’ve just mentioned, Callum starts school this year. I hope that he settles well in his new school and our little boy continues to grow in confidence as well as academically and enjoys himself along the way.

So, there you have it!

I’d like to say thank you to all of you who have followed my blogs and my journey through the 2012 and I invite you to stick with me through 2013 (here and here) as I value your support. I wish you all a very happy New Year and I hope you achieve all you desire for the year ahead, whatever that may be - and please feel free to share with me as I’d love to hear your hopes and dreams for 2013 too.

Must be dreaming - an insight into my subconscious

I have been having some peculiar dreams of late which I know is common in pregnancy. Although I may regret letting you in on my mind, I'm fascinated in the psychology behind dreams so I wanted to document them somewhere.

As you'd expect, some are clearly related to anxieties that come with being pregnant & having a baby. Such as when both me and a friend both went into labour and had our babies at the same time. I had a boy. I was happily playing with my baby boy when it suddenly dawned on me that I was meant to have a girl. I wondered if the babies had been accidentally swapped so I asked my friend whether she was expecting a girl or boy and she confirmed a girl, which is what she had. So I spoke to the midwife and said I had a boy but was expecting a girl, was that right? She just yes as if it was totally normal so I just thought oh we'll and went back to playing with my baby boy. This is clearly related to my anxieties of having a boy when I am expecting and hoping for a girl. What I liked about the dream is how I just accepted things after double checking it was correct & I think this is an indication of how I'd be if this baby turns out to be a boy rather than girl.

Another baby related dream was me going into labour now (well last week but basically present time). Obviously, this was very early so I was in hospital and they were going to try this new thing of returning my baby back into my womb where we would hope it stayed until due date. Giving birth was painful but putting her back inside was even worse.

Another anxiety dream about this baby being early.

But then there have been dreams not involving me having a baby or being pregnant.

Last week I dreamt I had been asked to play the violin for a concert for the queen. In the dream I had just started learning to play again having not picked up the violin (same one) since I had lessons for a term when I was about 9. I think I had only had 1 lesson if that but I was showing the violin to friends playing in the concert too. Then the time came where we all had to stand on stage in a line and take it in turns to perform while the queen moved along the line, off stage. When it came to me I realised I could only play twinkle twinkle little star and that the violin hadn't been tuned since I was a child and the bow needed restringing with old broken strings all over the place. All this sunk in and I realised it would be the most embarrassing thing to attempt to play anything so I just stood there frozen. There was an embarrassing wait while everyone stood there waiting for me to play then after a long silence they moved along to the next in line. I can't remember much after except everyone was very supportive and understanding and I didn't feel too bad about the incident. I remember feeling that I hadn't prepared for such a big event when I know preparation is the most important thing in any big event. However, despite not being prepared, I had people there to support me.

Not a baby/pregnancy dream but I do think this relates to me not feeling prepared for the baby arriving but knowing I'll have people around me to help & support me.


The night before last I dreamt my mum & dad had a party in their house (not a house I recognise but had elements similar to my friends new house). About a week later they found a decomposing body under their sofa of someone who must have died at the party. The body looked slightly mummified. In addition, my mum had had a baby boy (I seem to remember he was called Arnold or Archie or something) but sadly the boy had died. He was meant to be newborn but was actually size of about an 18 month old. My dad had asked me to help him dispose of the bodies without reporting them to the police. I can't remember their justification now. I was scared of helping them but they were my parents and I didn't want them getting into trouble so agreed. They lived in quite a remote place with just one neighbour and there was a wood at the end of their garden. We were basically just going to throw the body in the undergrowth behind their garden and hope that a walker didn't spot it. The baby wasn't really a dominant thing in the dream, the focus was on the random dead guy.

Last night's dream wasn't scary or gruesome like the above.

First I had been asked to decorate someone's house but I'd paint the first coat of the room then they'd change their mind and want it done a different colour. Then I was decorating a house with Stuart. We lived there - many of the features were similar to a house where my best friend at school grew up although the kitchen was different and smaller. I would paint the lounge or kitchen a colour I liked then Stuart would say he didn't like it so I had to do it again. The first colour was a dark red, sort of a red wine colour. Then it was a dark green but he then made me paint over it with beige.

I thought this last dream was a fairly easy one to analyse. I know that the people in our dream are often representations of ourselves and aspects of our character. Houses and the rooms in the house again a representation of our self, our emotions, personality, body etc. However, looking into this, it just left me confused. I wasn't sure if the people did represent myself or other people. The painting represented trying to change aspects of myself or emotions. The kitchen is emotions or aspects of the heart. The colours of the paint represented:

• Red = passion, love, anger
• Green = jealousy, envy, nature
• Beige = as you can imagine, neutral, bland, dull, plain

To me it's like I'm starting with so much energy & enthusiasm but then with each coat of paint I'm being 'dummed' down. What's not clear to me is whether I'm doing this to myself or others are doing this to me. Also whether it is a good or bad thing. Instinct tells me negative. Also, what is interesting, during trying to analyse it I found myself becoming upset and crying and unable to look too deeply into it. Is this just pregnancy hormones or part of the reason for the dream not the cause. I would particularly love to hear anyone else's views on this. I think it would help to talk to someone else who was as equally as interested in dreams as me but perhaps knows a bit more than I do. So, anyone got a psychic link to Freud or Jung please?

Our story : Wedded Bliss

(I apologise if this reads badly or there are lots of typos, I've had to use an iPad while laptop is out of action - photos are also to follow)

As I left you at the end of my last post with the news of Stuart's proposala on our year anniversary, it seems fitting that I start this post wiath the proposal.

From my time as a legal secretary for a top city law firm, booking expensive restaurants for client dinners, there were a number of London restaurants I was keen to experience myself. One in particular being The Blue Elephant, a Thai restaurant in Fulham so Stuart and I booked it for our year anniversary.

Shortly after sitting down at our table, I saw a lawyer from my department arrive with his girlfriend and shown to a table in a different part of the restaurant and mentioned it to Stuart. I did notice he didn't look too enthusiastic about the information but mistook his look more to indifference. Then I saw them complain about sitting in a draft and asked to be moved so the waiter obligingly moved them to the table next to us. Stuart definitely looked less than pleased but politely said hello when Patrick and I acknowledged each other.

We had a pleasant meal and was delighted when Stuart ordered us both a glass of champagne to toast our anniversary and I admit at that point the thought of a proposal prospect did cross my mind and sneaked a quick look in my glass to check for a ring but dismissed the idea when there wasn't one present and didn't think much more of it...until Stuart started talking emotionally about our relationship and how he felt...then he reached into his pocket...got down on bended knee...and proposed!

In the background I could see that Patrick and his girlfriend had clocked what was happening along with other surrounding diners and it took all my strength to focus solely on Stuart and not run in a panic out of the restaurant. Not because I didn't want to say yes but because I hate being centre of attention in this way. I found out later that this too was Stuart's worse fear, not that I'd say no but that I'd run for the hills! But I didn't and I said yes! Then we excitedly called our respective parents on the taxi ride home.

That was on 28 July 2004.

So fast forward to May 2006, our wedding week! We had decided we wanted to get married in Cyprus and had found the perfect hotel, Grecian Sands in Ayia Napa, after attending the wedding fayre at Earl's Court, London. We had invited 30 our close friends and family to share our special day with us as well as the week leading up to the day, on Friday 26 May. There was little to do on the organisation front until we arrived in cyprus which suited us both down to the ground! It went with the hotel's recommendation for dj, the hotel's recommendation for photographer (who was photographer for Cyprus's equivalent of Hello! Magazine), booked the best spot to get married over-looking the sea, booked the barbecue, the flowers, told them to go to town on the floral table decorations -it was perfect!

We arrived on Sunday, held our hen & stag dos on the Wednesday (myself dressed as little bo peep with my little lost sheep (it's a sheep thing of mine) and Stuart dressed as an old woman). We started off our nights separately but with there only being one decent nightclub in Ayia Napa, it was inevitable that we'd eventually meet! We then had a nice meal with the parents on the Thursday and went to our separate rooms that night in preparation for our big day the next day. My sister came to stay with me for my last night as a single lady!

The morning of our wedding was a blur of activity. I went to have my hair done only to discover the flowers I'd ordered to go in my hair hadn't arrived. My hairdresser was amazing though and went running all over town while I had my make-up done, getting them made for me telling me not to worry, she'd sort it...and she did!

When I was ready, and it was time to go and meet my groom at the alter, I had my first emotional moment as my dad met me to give me away. But I got over it quickly then off I went with my two bridesmaids, my sister Natalie, and my friend Lou, following behind me. There was a heatwave happening in Cyprus so our poor guests and us had the pleasure of 38 degree heat in our wedding attire but I barely noticed!

The civil service wasn't romantic but the necessary was said and the register signed. I later found out (with evidence caught on camcorder) that my dad was sharing his appreciation of the registrar!

Following the ceremony, the guests were shown to a room (the Poseidon room) for refreshments while we had photos. Then we sat down outside for the barbecue (all I ever wanted for my wedding since I was young was a barbecue). The speeches were said, with a poem from my dad, the giving of camels from Stuart to my dad, the best man...then on with the cake cutting, dj and dancing to the early hours. At sunset Stuart and I went off to have some more photos as the sun went down over on the rocks.

Our first dance was to Robbie William's Angels with our second...it had to be...Me and Mrs Jones.

The dj was excellent and played a perfect mix of modern day dance for the young and more traditional music foe the not quite so young as well as a selection of tracks from a cd we had prepared in advance.

I was given some advice from a friend to take regular breaks to just stop, look around and take in everything that was happening to ensure I remembered my day and I am so glad I did. It was amazing and truly was the best day of my life!

Our Story – How We Met

Today, Stuart and I have been married for 6 years. Not a special anniversary though every anniversary, of course, is special for us as it is a celebration of our relationship.

I just wanted to reflect back on the day we tied the not but also over the past 6 years and firstly a how we got together. So this is Part 1 of our story, how we met.

I met Stuart through a mutual friend, Sparky, back in (as Stuart calls it) the Summer of Love in 2003. It was a gorgeous summer – the sun shone for much of it throughout June and July and we were both social little bunnies sampling the delights that London had to offer. Stuart lived in Wood Green  with a couple of friends, James & Phil, and I lived in Balham with my friend Drew, and then Claire and Jan.

The first time we met was when he was with his then girlfriend and we went to a club. To be honest, we didn’t spend much time together and because he had a girlfriend I didn’t give him much thought. We spent the night dancing in separate rooms of the club…me with my broken arm in a pink cast following a football incident (back then I played five a side football and had the position of goalie for my fearless throwing myself after the ball and menacing tiger like growl!!! he he).

We met a couple of other times after that when out and I became aware that him and his girlfriend had ‘separated’ – she had gone back home to Switzerland so they could have some space – so I may have flirted a bit! He was oblivious to my ‘charms’ so I flirted a bit more. Nope, nothing! So I gave up!

I then had work drinks and Sparky had been invited along (it was a relaxed affair and many of my work colleagues were my outside of work friends too) and Sparky invited Stuart. We bonded a bit more as he smoked the same cigarettes I used to smoke (menthol Marlborough lights) and started smoking again that night! He had a rotten cold so I told him there were 3 things that cured a cold! I’d like to point out that at this point I wasn’t flirting, I had given up on that and was just chatting to him as I would any friend. I told him the 3 cures…one I will not say, the other two were alcohol and sex! Apparently, he told me later, he thought I was then flirting! Typical me…try and you get no where, don’t try and…it all happens! We all got drunk! Very drunk! I invited Sparky and Stuart back to mine. After a bit more drinking…and smoking…Sparky retired to bed and that left Stuart and I…we did more than just drinking and smoking!!!!

I woke the next morning on my bedroom floor wearing different clothes to what I’d started in the night before!!!!

I’d said goodbye to Stuart and Sparky and, to be honest, didn’t think much of it. Thought it was just a drunken one night stand.

I was actually off work at the time because of my broken arm so used to go to an internet cafe to check emails. Stuart and I exchanged a few regarding that night, me joking that I couldn’t remember it and him saying was it that bad etc! Then it became apparent that he was interested in more than just a one night stand. I was off to a dance festival with Sparky and some other friends that weekend in Derbyshire but Stuart hadn’t got tickets.

Once we were there, we heard that Stuart and James had got tickets and were on their way! Stuart and I ‘secretly’ wondered off together to talk about stuff. I wasn’t sure on the state of his relationship with his girlfriend. She was in Switzerland and they were ‘on a break’ but was that in a ‘we intend to get back together’ break or ‘we are just stretching out the painful process of finally splitting up’. They had been on-off for a while so I wanted to be sure & didn’t want to be the cause of the break up…though suppose I should’ve thought of that a bit earlier than now! He assured me that it was definitely over this time and he had no intention of getting back together. So we snogged, went on a ride (of the theme park variety – there was no funny business at the festival!! what kind of girl do you  think I am…oh yeah, one that gets drunk and sleeps with boys in one night stands!!!). We then rejoined the group. We both remember a funny moment in the night when a random girl came over and stroked Stuart’s (then) very fit chest! Ha ha!

A couple of days later we went on our first date, on 28 July! We went to Fuel at Covent Garden. I’d been out during the day at Tate Modern with a friend and had turned up considerably late! Oops! But he had waited and we had a lovely time. I laid my cards on the table. I knew he had just come out of a long relationship so may not be up for anything serious. I, on the other hand, had had enough of seeing people for a month or two and the relationship never really going anywhere so was ready for something more serious. So I said to him, if he wanted to go and have a bit of fun first, we could perhaps pick up again in a few months if we were both still single, then that was ok with me but I wasn’t getting into another relationship unless I expected it to go somewhere. He reassured me that he wasn’t interested in doing that and he was ready for a serious relationship with me! I then wondered why I hadn’t tried that approach with the other guys I had dated…it would have solved a lot of bother and silly games!

So that was the beginning of us. Other than a week shortly after when he went to Ibiza with friends we saw each other every day. Stuart started declaring his love for me after just a month or two (which damn near sent me running) and then he moved in with myself, Claire and Jan after 2 months. By Christmas, people were running bets on us as to when Stuart would propose. We moved into our own rented house after about 6 months and then, on our year anniversary, Stuart proposed. No one won the bet!

Part 2, our wedding, coming soon!

Working with your partner

When an opportunity arose to work with Stuart, I had my reservations.

The company is in an industry that really interests me and, with my training background, suits me quite well so under any other circumstances I would have jumped at the chance and jumped right in. However, Stuart is quite senior being a Director which gives cause to some of my concerns but it is also a fairly small (to medium) sized company with 2/3rds of the company based in Bournemouth, where we both work, in a 2 roomed office location (we both work in the same office although opposite ends at least) so its not exactly like we can keep our distance.

Making friends

Firstly, I’m going to be known as ‘the bosses wife’! This means making friends with colleagues at work doesn’t happen as naturally as it would do normally at a place of work. Would people open up to me for fear of me running off to tell Stuart? Gaining people’s confidence and trust would be a slow process. Likewise, would I be able to do the same with them and ‘just be me’. I’m quite an open person normally, often to my detriment, and find myself opening my mouth and embarrassing story after embarrassing story falling out! I’m full of innuendo and sarcastic comments. But what kind of light would that put Stuart in? Opening up about me would also be opening up about him too. Would anything I could say affect his reputation and the respect people have for him? This is all probably just as well as there has been many a time when I have thought in the past “I really shouldn’t have said that” and perhaps I should sometimes keep a little bit back!!! But its also not ‘me’! Stuart even admitted before I started that he was worried about me being a bit too open about myself!

Maintaining a Professional Front

How you talk to friends and loved ones outside of work is often very different to how you would speak to them in work! You have a lot less patience for a husband/wife than you would a work colleague. When explaining something to a colleague, if they were being a bit slow to grasp something or needed more guidance/support with something, you are willing to give them that extra time, take things slowly, think of other ways to get the message across (well I know I am). With your partner you are more likely to get snappy, inpatient and frustrated and let those feelings show. Its natural – its hard to hold back because you are used to speaking your mind to them. And if Stuart was to talk to me like that, I’d find it hard not to retaliate! i don’t want work colleagues to see that side of me and to think I’d be like that with everyone.

Taking Work Home

When do you switch off? You live together and you work together then you come home and work together while you live together. It gets too much, you need boundaries. I strongly believe you need to separate the worlds!

Venting

This goes two ways – venting about Stuart at work and venting about work with Stuart.

Not only do I have to watch what I say about me but also about what I say about Stuart. I don’t have/see many people outside of my family so those days when you want to just go and have a moan about an argument you had or whatever, I would normally do in a close ally at work! I clearly can’t do that now and if we start the morning on the wrong foot I can’t brood on it, I have to get over it before I walk through the door at work because we need to put our professional face on – we can’t be seen to be having a ‘tiff’ or bringing the relationship into work! Admittedly, this isn’t a common occurrence, we don’t argue often but there are still times when I may just want to vent!

Then, if I have a bad day, something happens at work or someone says something that annoys me, I can’t come home and talk about it. Again, how does Stuart separate what I am telling him as confiding in him as my partner or as my superior or the boss of those I’m talking to him about. Again, its not something that would happen often but if I have a bad day at work I want to come home and talk it through so I can get it out of my system, deal with it and move on.

Its not only me that has to worry, its Stuart too. He has bad days too and, like me, will want to talk about it. Now, if he does that he could be breaking a confidence.

In each case, what we say about someone could affect the way the other person views them going forward.

These were my concerns before I took the job and are also the ones I still face. Working with your other half certainly isn’t easy. I love working, I love the work I’m doing, I enjoy working for the company but it still hasn’t changed my views on working with my husband and not something I would want to do long-term in an ideal world!

If it was a bigger company where we could keep our working lives quite separate or if we were even on the same level it might be different but in the current circumstances its not without its challenges!

Ultimately, although this is a step in the right direction, I’m still struggling in my ongoing battle to find and be ‘Me’!

Working Works For Me

I’m back working again! Yay! I’ve actually been there just over a month now – I started 8 March.

I have started working for Stuart’s company writing support and training material for users of their system for 2 days a week.

I struggle to fit in all the things I need to outside of work, like cleaning, and fun stuff with Callum, I have less time to meet friends etc. My course which I’m one assignment away from finishing has fallen by the weyside once more because I’ve lost my study time.

However, despite all this, I am loving it!

I am Me again. I’m enjoying the work. I can go in, pick up the work where I left off, pootle along pretty much on my own with little insecurities (just enough to make me care about my work etc but not enough to stress me out too much) and I feel like a real person again. Not to say that anyone that doesn’t work isn’t a real person – I just don’t feel like me if I am not working. My desk is at the other end of the office where a lot of the senior members sit or people that don’t really ‘talk’ so I don’t get much interaction with people during the day but actually, even that’s not too bad. I felt a bit lonely at first but I just plug in my headphones and, as already said above, pootle along.

I feel like I’m making friends…work friends admittedly, but people I can have social interactions with and can share a joke with etc.The benefit of working for the same company as Stuart is that I had already met a fair few people, taking away that uncomfortable period when you start a new job where you are the new kid and don’t know anyone.

Admittedly, there were a few weeks where I wasn’t invited to Fish & Chips on a Friday when Stuart was busy or not there but I was brave enough to ask to not to be forgotten today! I’ve invited myself onto the Fantasy Football team – purely so I’m not last in at least one league (I’m now 9th out of 12 instead of 3rd out of 3 or 16th out of 16). I butt into others conversations…oh, ok, I’ve always done that, oops! The point is, I am settling in nicely.

I was originally seated, when I first started, with part of my team so I had an opportunity to get to know some people and build some rapport (trainer speak) so, even though I now sit away from them, I can have the odd skype chat with them still and we’ve arranged to go for lunch a few times.

I’m even going out on a night out with work people and no Stuart next week. Yes, that’s right, going out without Stuart!!!! That’s the first time since October!!!! *faints*

As I said above I’m liking the work – I feel it is creative enough and perfect to pick up and put down for the 2 days I’m there. I’m not standing in front of a room training but I feel like I’m still using my training skills writing the materials doing stuff I’ve always enjoyed doing but didn’t have the time to dedicate to before because of the training commitments taking up most of my time. It sounds like there is more stuff in the pipeline, too, that I will enjoy being part of.

The worrying part is that I am contracted to work right up until the end of July – 27th to be precise. That’s 2.5 weeks before baby is due!!!! Just to remind people or inform those that are not aware, Callum was born 3.5 weeks early!!!! This could be scary! Not only that, I remember thinking around that time when pregnant with Callum – well much sooner than that obviously as Callum had already arrived at that point – but was pleased I wasn’t working and I didn’t know how people worked until so late in their pregnancies. But, I am hopeful, if I ‘am’ still pregnant, that I might still be ok as I wont be standing up training and I don’t have to commute.

I am already thinking ahead to after work too. I know it is easy for me to say now and I might feel quite different following the birth but I am hoping I will be able to go back and work there and they’ll have a job for me. I just hope I also make a good enough impression that they want me back. Its hard to say when I will want to go back right now but I know I was itching to go back when Callum was 1. I would imagine 9 months after would be enough for me. Stuart mentioned the potential to work school hours so I could work around Callum going to school – just work more but shorter days. That’s certainly something to consider.

For the first time in a long way I feel really positive, much more happy and I feel like I have a little bit of me back. For the moment, I may still be Stuart’s wife there but I am hoping, in time, I will just be Debbie!