Sleep paralysis dream: The girl with no face

It's been a while since this happened but my sleep has been up the wall again over the last week - week and a half. Some of it insomnia, some of it Millie related, some of it  self-inflicted. So it is no real surprise I suffered from a sleep paralysis attack again last night. The dream started fine & not scary but the sleep paralysis always leaves me frightened when I wake.

Here it is. Feel free to analyse before I have a go at doing so later.

I am camping/caravaning with a mixture of friends & family. I can't remember much of this stage of the dream. Then the same people go back to my aunt & uncle's house. The house is very clean & modern. It's not a house I recognise in waking life but the layout of back of house merges into that of my old family home. My niece Sofia & cousin's daughter Rosie go into the garden (which is similar but smaller than the garden in my old family home...this is the house/garden that always appears in my dreams) where a few of us are already standing. They jump on something next to where my friend Jo is lying down snoozing. My aunt tells us about there being invisible things in the garden. We then noticed Sofia & Rosie are playing on a playground apparatus (bit like a cross between a seesaw and a roundabout but smaller, it bounces & goes round - there's one at the quomps playground in Christchurch) but it is invisible. Jo gets really annoyed as they were virtually on top of her & she wanted to sleep. Uncle rick is making tea inside the house. I overhear my aunt tell my mum that she is disappointed that no one was offering to help Uncle Rick & that she felt everyone was taking advantage/being ungrateful or something & I am embarrassed as they are my friends & are being rude to my aunt & uncle as hosts.

The next thing, one of my friends & I are in a shop looking for a present for my aunt & uncle. Lots of pretty crystals & shells. There is a medium you can pay to see in another room - we aren't interested but see others going in. Then a disabled man comes in & breaks down to this man me & my friend are talking to. He is desperate for some mobility assistance around his house to improve his standard of living (man about 60). I felt it was unfair that he could hardly move & was reduced to begging for help when you can tell he is a proud man whereas a different girl we knew was a lot less disabled but all the help going had been thrown at her without her having to try. I was crying for the man, my heart was breaking for him.

Suddenly I'm in bed asleep, it's dark & a woman comes in to the from & up to the side of the bed where I'm sleeping & wakes me. I'm surprised at her bursting in & at first I think its the psychic, then think its someone (a nurse) who is offering assistance to the man. I question her and ask who she is. She doesn't speak, she has no face but I can tell she is smiling. I try to reach out to touch her face to find out who she is while asking her. She doesn't reply & I can't move. I'm getting scared & don't like her there smiling but not talking to me but I can't move. I'm paralysed. Then I wake.

ETA: on my 'wake me up I can't breathe' post I wondered whether these attacks are more likely to happen on a fast day so I thought it was worth logging that this also happened on a fast day.

Dream: The Big Hairy Tarantula

Last night I had a vivid and rather interesting dream that I thought would be worth analysing.

I was looking at a plant of some sort. I think I was inside and there was a window behind the plant. I noticed some amazing webs attached to the plant. Really thick and large. Then I noticed a large black spider jumping into the centre of the plant.

I will point out at this point that I am not scared of house spiders though I am a little uncomfortable with particularly large spiders that jump – especially if they are funny colours. I would, however, like to hold a tarantula one day.

So, continuing with the dream. I was a little nervous of the large spider but also fascinated and wanted to watch and take a photo when I noticed that beneath it in the plant but clearly stalking the black spider was an even bigger and hairier orange and black tarantula. It was amazingly beautiful. It then pounced on the black spider to kill and eat it. Again, I wanted to get a photo and so stepped back to do so but then realised I needed to tell someone about this as it was dangerous.

Within the same room, which appeared to be in a kind of warehouse conversion, was a large double bed, which was my bed. Then behind the bed was a partition wall that only went halfway up to the ceiling. Behind that partition were government people in a kind of office set up.

I decided to tell the government people about this. They denied all knowledge and made out I had made it up and hadn’t seen it. They were covering it up. I went back to my room to tell the person who was there (can’t remember who they were now but think they were male, may have been my husband but can’t remember). As I was telling him, two different government agents came past and grabbed my hand and really hurt my palms as some kind of warning that I shouldn’t tell anyone about this spider.

I think I must have continued to investigate these spiders and found myself at the other end of the warehouse floor. At first, you couldn’t see anything but then my eyes caught the elaborate spider web construction that went from plants to lampshades and to a rotary washing line with clothes on. Again, this orange and black tarantula was there. I don’t think anyone else walking around could see it or the webs, which were really massive silk spun constructions.

I can’t remember too well what happened here but I returned to my bedroom where the other person was and I had loads of bleeding cuts down my legs as if I had scratched them on razor sharp plants and vegetation as if I’d been walking through a jungle (though I hadn’t but this is what I thought when I looked down at my legs and saw the cuts and blood).

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I’ll look at analysing it later, for now I just wanted to get it written down before I forgot it as I was already starting to forget bits.

If you like analysing dreams though and have any thoughts about it, I’d love to hear.

Wake me up, I can’t breathe!

A few times in my adult life I have experienced something rather frightening when I sleep called Sleep Apnoea. Basically, its when you stop breathing in your sleep. This is obviously very serious and is more commonly experienced by very overweight people but there are other risk factors. Bizarrely, none of which I am aware of having. More information can be found about it on the NHS Choices website. I’ve not suffered with it often enough to make me seek medical advice (about once or twice a year then nothing for a year etc) though it is something that crosses my mind each time that it happens. Like now – as it happened again the night before last.

I was dreaming – I can’t remember the dream but I was struggling to breathe. Three times I fault to breathe before I eventually woke myself up. It really is frightening.

A couple of times, it has occurred because of having a cold which makes perfect sense. But usually it occurs in relation to a dream. It is never clear if my dream is a result of the sleep apnoea or the sleep apnoea a result of the dream.

One example of a dream I remember was someone was strangling me in my dream and I was struggling to breath. On this occasion I woke up with my hand near my throat but not in a strangling motion from what I recall. Other times have been less obvious a cause, just that I am struggling to breathe in the dream.

It has occurred to me whether, rather than being sleep apnoea it is actually a form of sleep paralysis which I have also had the displeasure of experiencing. Your mind and body are in a state of between sleep and waking up. Your mind wakes up but your body doesn’t (your body goes into a type of paralysed state when we sleep – for most people anyway, when it isn’t working properly is when we sleep walk etc). Your mind can play tricks on you making you hallucinate, and you have a deep sense of impending doom or someone is out to get you. Again, its extremely frightening. You try to escape this feeling, hallucination or whatever but your body is paralysed and wont let you. Even if you recognise that you are actually still asleep, you fight to wake up by moving your body but your body doesn’t move. Again, more can be found out about this on the NHS Choices website. Well, that’s the science behind it but there are also spiritual beliefs associated to sleep paralysis like you are caught between the spirit world and our world or that it is an actual attach by something paranormal. An explanation of this latter view is found on the Spiritual Research Foundation website. I’ll let you make up your own opinion on this one.

Whatever your beliefs, sleep paralysis would make more sense (as I don’t have any of the typical causes for sleep apnoea that I am aware of) as a cause can be sleep deprivation or irregular sleep patterns.

Thankfully, it didn’t happen again last and hopefully that will be it for another year or so. Although, I suppose that all depends on Millie and whether I get sleep! I guess it is also worth considering if it could have any links to fasting as it happened after a fast day.

Must be dreaming - an insight into my subconscious

I have been having some peculiar dreams of late which I know is common in pregnancy. Although I may regret letting you in on my mind, I'm fascinated in the psychology behind dreams so I wanted to document them somewhere.

As you'd expect, some are clearly related to anxieties that come with being pregnant & having a baby. Such as when both me and a friend both went into labour and had our babies at the same time. I had a boy. I was happily playing with my baby boy when it suddenly dawned on me that I was meant to have a girl. I wondered if the babies had been accidentally swapped so I asked my friend whether she was expecting a girl or boy and she confirmed a girl, which is what she had. So I spoke to the midwife and said I had a boy but was expecting a girl, was that right? She just yes as if it was totally normal so I just thought oh we'll and went back to playing with my baby boy. This is clearly related to my anxieties of having a boy when I am expecting and hoping for a girl. What I liked about the dream is how I just accepted things after double checking it was correct & I think this is an indication of how I'd be if this baby turns out to be a boy rather than girl.

Another baby related dream was me going into labour now (well last week but basically present time). Obviously, this was very early so I was in hospital and they were going to try this new thing of returning my baby back into my womb where we would hope it stayed until due date. Giving birth was painful but putting her back inside was even worse.

Another anxiety dream about this baby being early.

But then there have been dreams not involving me having a baby or being pregnant.

Last week I dreamt I had been asked to play the violin for a concert for the queen. In the dream I had just started learning to play again having not picked up the violin (same one) since I had lessons for a term when I was about 9. I think I had only had 1 lesson if that but I was showing the violin to friends playing in the concert too. Then the time came where we all had to stand on stage in a line and take it in turns to perform while the queen moved along the line, off stage. When it came to me I realised I could only play twinkle twinkle little star and that the violin hadn't been tuned since I was a child and the bow needed restringing with old broken strings all over the place. All this sunk in and I realised it would be the most embarrassing thing to attempt to play anything so I just stood there frozen. There was an embarrassing wait while everyone stood there waiting for me to play then after a long silence they moved along to the next in line. I can't remember much after except everyone was very supportive and understanding and I didn't feel too bad about the incident. I remember feeling that I hadn't prepared for such a big event when I know preparation is the most important thing in any big event. However, despite not being prepared, I had people there to support me.

Not a baby/pregnancy dream but I do think this relates to me not feeling prepared for the baby arriving but knowing I'll have people around me to help & support me.


The night before last I dreamt my mum & dad had a party in their house (not a house I recognise but had elements similar to my friends new house). About a week later they found a decomposing body under their sofa of someone who must have died at the party. The body looked slightly mummified. In addition, my mum had had a baby boy (I seem to remember he was called Arnold or Archie or something) but sadly the boy had died. He was meant to be newborn but was actually size of about an 18 month old. My dad had asked me to help him dispose of the bodies without reporting them to the police. I can't remember their justification now. I was scared of helping them but they were my parents and I didn't want them getting into trouble so agreed. They lived in quite a remote place with just one neighbour and there was a wood at the end of their garden. We were basically just going to throw the body in the undergrowth behind their garden and hope that a walker didn't spot it. The baby wasn't really a dominant thing in the dream, the focus was on the random dead guy.

Last night's dream wasn't scary or gruesome like the above.

First I had been asked to decorate someone's house but I'd paint the first coat of the room then they'd change their mind and want it done a different colour. Then I was decorating a house with Stuart. We lived there - many of the features were similar to a house where my best friend at school grew up although the kitchen was different and smaller. I would paint the lounge or kitchen a colour I liked then Stuart would say he didn't like it so I had to do it again. The first colour was a dark red, sort of a red wine colour. Then it was a dark green but he then made me paint over it with beige.

I thought this last dream was a fairly easy one to analyse. I know that the people in our dream are often representations of ourselves and aspects of our character. Houses and the rooms in the house again a representation of our self, our emotions, personality, body etc. However, looking into this, it just left me confused. I wasn't sure if the people did represent myself or other people. The painting represented trying to change aspects of myself or emotions. The kitchen is emotions or aspects of the heart. The colours of the paint represented:

• Red = passion, love, anger
• Green = jealousy, envy, nature
• Beige = as you can imagine, neutral, bland, dull, plain

To me it's like I'm starting with so much energy & enthusiasm but then with each coat of paint I'm being 'dummed' down. What's not clear to me is whether I'm doing this to myself or others are doing this to me. Also whether it is a good or bad thing. Instinct tells me negative. Also, what is interesting, during trying to analyse it I found myself becoming upset and crying and unable to look too deeply into it. Is this just pregnancy hormones or part of the reason for the dream not the cause. I would particularly love to hear anyone else's views on this. I think it would help to talk to someone else who was as equally as interested in dreams as me but perhaps knows a bit more than I do. So, anyone got a psychic link to Freud or Jung please?