Don’t cross the line!

Are we getting too obsessed with rules?

Now, I’m a good girl (to start with)! I will follow rules and processes to the letter to start with and feel very guilty if I accidentally break a rule when I am first introduced to whatever rule it is.

But, as time goes by and I know the reason why the rule is there, what it’s benefit is etc, I will sometimes make an informed decision to break it if I think the rule is a detriment to progression and I can confidently defend my decision to break it.

I agree that rules and processes are important – I don’t like chaos, I like things to be ‘tidy’. They are usually there for a reason. The right rules will keep things consistent and a project without good processes will be inefficient (believe me, I have personal experience of this right now).

But sometimes, I think someone gets a bit power hungry, only seeing their own point of view so throws up rules all over the place without any real consideration. Rules for the sake of rules!

Too much time is spent on Do do this and Don’t do that instead of setting guidelines and processes for improved efficiency, Not rules, they are too black and white, but a set of guidelines be ‘guided’ by.

For example, one of my work locations has the following rules:

No straying off the dark grey path into the light grey area unless going directly to talk to someone on the light grey area.

It is an open plan office with the desk area on light grey carpet and then a dark grey path that goes around the outside.

Now I understand this rule as perhaps it is a bit distracting people treating the space between the desks like a throughway. However the space between the desks is actually pretty wide, in my opinion. Plus, I’m guessing the floor is a suspended floor or something as whenever someone walks around the dark grey path near your desk you bounce like working on a bouncy castle! Like that’s not already distracting! Seriously, if you’ve not got your sea legs, don’t work there! Anyway, I get it but if someone happens to forget, they are reprimanded pretty swiftly. This rule is not to be broken!

“Back on the dark grey path!”

“Yes ma’am” *Head up, back straight, eyes forward*

No headphones.

Again, I can understand this in theory. The use of headphones can make someone very unapproachable. I know, myself, that I’ve avoided approaching someone with headphones in as I assume they wish to focus on what they are trying to do without distractions. But doesn’t the above rule do just the same?

I believe the use of headphones, especially in an open plan environment, are invaluable. There are times you do need to focus and to cut out all other noise. The use of headphones can improve someone’s productivity.

The rule shouldn’t be a ban all approach but a sensible use approach.

I’ve heard of other techniques for telling people you are busy and not to be disturbed, like using a hat, others use toys or light systems but they don’t cut out the other noise in the office.

Maybe the use of headphones and another more obvious signal could be put in place and a restriction to using the headphones in moderation.

Again, in my opinion, I think more organisations should allow the use of Instant Messaging. If someone does not want to be disturbed, they switch their status to ‘Do Not Disturb’. If someone had headphones in and the Do Not Disturb option has not been selected, I would message them to say I was coming over or to ask if I could come and speak to them a minute.

Again, taking this ability away feels like another ‘control’ and another excuse to treat staff like children!

Like I say, I can see the reasons behind the above rules but I feel they are a bit petty and in danger of leaving people feeling despondent and untrusted. I’ll be putting my hand up to ask to go to the toilet next.

After all, too many rules are known to stifle creativity and innovation and, quite frankly, people don’t like to be made to feel like they are back at school. I expect they feel intelligent enough to make their own, grown up decisions – after all, they were clever enough to get the job!

Without some freedom to make our own sensible decisions about how we work and being courteous to our colleagues are we just becoming a pawn in the workplace rather than a creative thinker?

How would I approach open plan working? Like I approach rule setting in the classroom! As a democracy not a dictatorship. Let the people create the rules then they are much more likely to appreciate them and stick to them. They’ve created and agreed to them so they believe in them.

I’d get one of those big white boards and ask everyone to write their rule suggestions on it. If someone agreed with someone else’s rule, they’d put a tick next to it. Then once a month they’d be an office discussion somehow (online forum or in a meeting room, whatever works for the office) where the reasons for and against the rules would be discussed and whichever ones stuck would be carried forward. The whiteboard would be cleared down and then you’d start again.

And rather than calling them rules, how about “Guidelines for Office Etiquette”. After a while, the suggestions may die down, you could put a deadline of 6 months on it and whatever guidelines you have agreed on at that time can be made into posters around the office, with it clearly stating that they have been created by the employees not by Senior Management.

Having said that, I can now see the office jobsworth chasing you down because you sneezed too loudly, reminding you of Guideline No. 162 to keep volume down to a respectful level!! So maybe just a small page on the office intranet which you direct new starters to on Induction – there could be an icebreaker around it! (Forever the L&D professional, me!)

We spend so much of our life in the workplace, how about making it a place we are happy to be and welcomed for our free thought! Treat people with respect!

Thank you for reading.

2012 Reflection and 2013 Projection

As is common at this time of year, I have been reflecting on the year just gone and thinking about what I want to achieve in the year ahead.

So, firstly, looking back. Its been a busy year!

It started on rather a low note as we had to say goodbye to our beloved cat Lottie who had been part of my life for 15 treasured years. Aside from the place in each of our hearts where she’ll always be, I am reminded every time I take to Callum to nursery or pick him up as the vets is right next door. It breaks my heart when on occasion Callum has looked over and asked where Lottie is.

Then life took a much brighter path as we bought and moved into our lovely house in March and then there was that small thing of having a baby girl in August!!!

Stuart has been through yet another hard & gruelling year at work – I swear every year he says it’ll be better the next year and then the next year is harder still. Its was hard for us as a family with work taking over precious family time more and more until it was with no surprise (but made no easier nonetheless) that Stuart fell ill when he went on to paternity leave and was forced (during long days spent unable to get out of bed) to consider his priorities. That was a turning point for him with how he balanced work time and family time. Unfortunately for him, it doesn’t mean his work has got any easier and probably harder as he has had to try to squish much more into a shorter period as he had made the decision to make working from home the exception rather than the rule. But it has made a big difference to our evenings and weekends so I thank him for that sacrifice – and for a work-a-holic, I appreciate that it is in a way a sacrifice.

We had hoped that by now, following our relocation from Surrey to Bournemouth, to have grown our local social life a little more than we have. We knew that meeting people and making connections was going to be a slow process in a new place but its probably taken longer than either of us expected. Again, probably harder for Stuart as I have at least made many mummy friends especially through my addiction moderate use of Twitter but for Stuart, his only interaction with the outside (of our family) world so far has been at work. This is starting to change now though and I am hopeful we will both start socialising and meeting more people in 2013 [makes Puss in Boots eyes at you all].

The new addition to the family has been another life changing moment on a par to when Callum entered our lives. In some ways the transition from a family of 3 to family of 4 has been less of a shock to the system as from 2 to 3 but it brings with it different challenges and the hormonal breakdowns and sleep deprivation feels much tougher 4 years on from the first time. But when I think how blessed I am with my gorgeous son and beautiful girl, I both beam and shed a tear with happiness . I couldn’t ask for anything more wonderful than the family I have – and knowing that I hopefully wont have to be pregnant ever again just adds even more sparkle to it all (I’m not a very good pregnant lady – Stuart will testify!).

So it will be fair to say 2012 has been an emotional rollercoaster.

Which brings me on to my hopes for 2013.

Quite frankly, above all I hope for a much more chilled year! I wont be making any resolutions as such but there are things I would hope to achieve in the next year.

• OK, I best make it my first point as I’ve already mentioned it above– to start socialising more as a couple. Making the relationships we have already made stronger but meeting more people that we hope will become good friends of the future.
• In addition to the above, I would also like to see more of our current very good friends who are now spread over the UK as our paths have taken us on our different journeys.
• To go to Thailand. It is my current dream holiday. I spent a very brief couple of nights there with work back in 2007 and I’ve been desperate to go back there for leisure and to take Callum with me. Because it is only worth going there for a 2 week period, we would need to take the kids. For both cost and comfort reasons, if we don’t go this year, it would mean waiting several more years longer for either both kids to be old enough to stay with relatives, or we came into a healthy sum of money [checks the lottery numbers!] plus I consider Callum only now being able to cope with a long-haul flight without sending us crazy as the other passengers made plots to throw us out the plane without a parachute between us! I imagine it will be another 3-4 years minimum before Millie is at that stage too.
• I would like to find a good job which I love but allows me to balance my role as a mother. I very much see my job as a career and I feel sad to think I may not be able to embrace it in the same way I could before children. I worry about how I will manage the juggle of school/nursery runs, childcare and work. I wont lie, I have struggled with the sacrifice that my career will always be second to Stuarts as when we took the decision to have a family, my primary role became that of a mother. When I worked full time after having Callum – the balance worked out fine as Callum was in nursery but this year he starts school so I have the confusing arrangement of schools, breakfast clubs, after-school clubs, nursery, child-minder or whatever we decide best suits our lives. Others manage it, so I am sure we will too but I do see it as being one of my biggest challenges of 2013. Firstly finding a job I love and that works for me and secondly sorting out the childcare.
• Finally, as I’ve just mentioned, Callum starts school this year. I hope that he settles well in his new school and our little boy continues to grow in confidence as well as academically and enjoys himself along the way.

So, there you have it!

I’d like to say thank you to all of you who have followed my blogs and my journey through the 2012 and I invite you to stick with me through 2013 (here and here) as I value your support. I wish you all a very happy New Year and I hope you achieve all you desire for the year ahead, whatever that may be - and please feel free to share with me as I’d love to hear your hopes and dreams for 2013 too.

Working with your partner

When an opportunity arose to work with Stuart, I had my reservations.

The company is in an industry that really interests me and, with my training background, suits me quite well so under any other circumstances I would have jumped at the chance and jumped right in. However, Stuart is quite senior being a Director which gives cause to some of my concerns but it is also a fairly small (to medium) sized company with 2/3rds of the company based in Bournemouth, where we both work, in a 2 roomed office location (we both work in the same office although opposite ends at least) so its not exactly like we can keep our distance.

Making friends

Firstly, I’m going to be known as ‘the bosses wife’! This means making friends with colleagues at work doesn’t happen as naturally as it would do normally at a place of work. Would people open up to me for fear of me running off to tell Stuart? Gaining people’s confidence and trust would be a slow process. Likewise, would I be able to do the same with them and ‘just be me’. I’m quite an open person normally, often to my detriment, and find myself opening my mouth and embarrassing story after embarrassing story falling out! I’m full of innuendo and sarcastic comments. But what kind of light would that put Stuart in? Opening up about me would also be opening up about him too. Would anything I could say affect his reputation and the respect people have for him? This is all probably just as well as there has been many a time when I have thought in the past “I really shouldn’t have said that” and perhaps I should sometimes keep a little bit back!!! But its also not ‘me’! Stuart even admitted before I started that he was worried about me being a bit too open about myself!

Maintaining a Professional Front

How you talk to friends and loved ones outside of work is often very different to how you would speak to them in work! You have a lot less patience for a husband/wife than you would a work colleague. When explaining something to a colleague, if they were being a bit slow to grasp something or needed more guidance/support with something, you are willing to give them that extra time, take things slowly, think of other ways to get the message across (well I know I am). With your partner you are more likely to get snappy, inpatient and frustrated and let those feelings show. Its natural – its hard to hold back because you are used to speaking your mind to them. And if Stuart was to talk to me like that, I’d find it hard not to retaliate! i don’t want work colleagues to see that side of me and to think I’d be like that with everyone.

Taking Work Home

When do you switch off? You live together and you work together then you come home and work together while you live together. It gets too much, you need boundaries. I strongly believe you need to separate the worlds!

Venting

This goes two ways – venting about Stuart at work and venting about work with Stuart.

Not only do I have to watch what I say about me but also about what I say about Stuart. I don’t have/see many people outside of my family so those days when you want to just go and have a moan about an argument you had or whatever, I would normally do in a close ally at work! I clearly can’t do that now and if we start the morning on the wrong foot I can’t brood on it, I have to get over it before I walk through the door at work because we need to put our professional face on – we can’t be seen to be having a ‘tiff’ or bringing the relationship into work! Admittedly, this isn’t a common occurrence, we don’t argue often but there are still times when I may just want to vent!

Then, if I have a bad day, something happens at work or someone says something that annoys me, I can’t come home and talk about it. Again, how does Stuart separate what I am telling him as confiding in him as my partner or as my superior or the boss of those I’m talking to him about. Again, its not something that would happen often but if I have a bad day at work I want to come home and talk it through so I can get it out of my system, deal with it and move on.

Its not only me that has to worry, its Stuart too. He has bad days too and, like me, will want to talk about it. Now, if he does that he could be breaking a confidence.

In each case, what we say about someone could affect the way the other person views them going forward.

These were my concerns before I took the job and are also the ones I still face. Working with your other half certainly isn’t easy. I love working, I love the work I’m doing, I enjoy working for the company but it still hasn’t changed my views on working with my husband and not something I would want to do long-term in an ideal world!

If it was a bigger company where we could keep our working lives quite separate or if we were even on the same level it might be different but in the current circumstances its not without its challenges!

Ultimately, although this is a step in the right direction, I’m still struggling in my ongoing battle to find and be ‘Me’!

Working Works For Me

I’m back working again! Yay! I’ve actually been there just over a month now – I started 8 March.

I have started working for Stuart’s company writing support and training material for users of their system for 2 days a week.

I struggle to fit in all the things I need to outside of work, like cleaning, and fun stuff with Callum, I have less time to meet friends etc. My course which I’m one assignment away from finishing has fallen by the weyside once more because I’ve lost my study time.

However, despite all this, I am loving it!

I am Me again. I’m enjoying the work. I can go in, pick up the work where I left off, pootle along pretty much on my own with little insecurities (just enough to make me care about my work etc but not enough to stress me out too much) and I feel like a real person again. Not to say that anyone that doesn’t work isn’t a real person – I just don’t feel like me if I am not working. My desk is at the other end of the office where a lot of the senior members sit or people that don’t really ‘talk’ so I don’t get much interaction with people during the day but actually, even that’s not too bad. I felt a bit lonely at first but I just plug in my headphones and, as already said above, pootle along.

I feel like I’m making friends…work friends admittedly, but people I can have social interactions with and can share a joke with etc.The benefit of working for the same company as Stuart is that I had already met a fair few people, taking away that uncomfortable period when you start a new job where you are the new kid and don’t know anyone.

Admittedly, there were a few weeks where I wasn’t invited to Fish & Chips on a Friday when Stuart was busy or not there but I was brave enough to ask to not to be forgotten today! I’ve invited myself onto the Fantasy Football team – purely so I’m not last in at least one league (I’m now 9th out of 12 instead of 3rd out of 3 or 16th out of 16). I butt into others conversations…oh, ok, I’ve always done that, oops! The point is, I am settling in nicely.

I was originally seated, when I first started, with part of my team so I had an opportunity to get to know some people and build some rapport (trainer speak) so, even though I now sit away from them, I can have the odd skype chat with them still and we’ve arranged to go for lunch a few times.

I’m even going out on a night out with work people and no Stuart next week. Yes, that’s right, going out without Stuart!!!! That’s the first time since October!!!! *faints*

As I said above I’m liking the work – I feel it is creative enough and perfect to pick up and put down for the 2 days I’m there. I’m not standing in front of a room training but I feel like I’m still using my training skills writing the materials doing stuff I’ve always enjoyed doing but didn’t have the time to dedicate to before because of the training commitments taking up most of my time. It sounds like there is more stuff in the pipeline, too, that I will enjoy being part of.

The worrying part is that I am contracted to work right up until the end of July – 27th to be precise. That’s 2.5 weeks before baby is due!!!! Just to remind people or inform those that are not aware, Callum was born 3.5 weeks early!!!! This could be scary! Not only that, I remember thinking around that time when pregnant with Callum – well much sooner than that obviously as Callum had already arrived at that point – but was pleased I wasn’t working and I didn’t know how people worked until so late in their pregnancies. But, I am hopeful, if I ‘am’ still pregnant, that I might still be ok as I wont be standing up training and I don’t have to commute.

I am already thinking ahead to after work too. I know it is easy for me to say now and I might feel quite different following the birth but I am hoping I will be able to go back and work there and they’ll have a job for me. I just hope I also make a good enough impression that they want me back. Its hard to say when I will want to go back right now but I know I was itching to go back when Callum was 1. I would imagine 9 months after would be enough for me. Stuart mentioned the potential to work school hours so I could work around Callum going to school – just work more but shorter days. That’s certainly something to consider.

For the first time in a long way I feel really positive, much more happy and I feel like I have a little bit of me back. For the moment, I may still be Stuart’s wife there but I am hoping, in time, I will just be Debbie!