Ranty Friday: There’s Any Place But Home!

I’m not a political person, I don’t understand politics and when I try to follow it I get confuddled. I’m often naive when it comes to the promises of politicians. I believe what they tell you and am gutted when they don’t follow through with their promises. I don’t make promises myself because I believe if you promise something you have to stick to it but sometimes life and circumstance cause you to break them. I will therefore give my word to try my best but I don’t make promises.

I am rubbish in an argument or debate. I will easily get talked down and am unable to articulate myself correctly to get my point across. When I feel strongly about something I find it easier to write things down.

So what brings me to write a blog post about a topic I don’t know anything about? Right now, I really wish I did, I wish I paid attention to the laws, acts and whatever else goes on in parliament because I am so cross. I am so angry & full of rage on behalf of my friend that when I try to speak or write articulately about it, the words just get jumbled in my head so this post could be full of gobbledegook.

My friend and her family had a house they rented. As Landlords do from time to time, their Landlord gave my friend and family notice to move out as they wanted to move back in themselves. For most people this would be inconvenient but they’d find a new property, move and carry on life in their new home. But for my friends, their journey has been very different. They have (or had) a deposit for a new place, they could pay rent and knew what they could afford (aprox £800pcm) which all sounds achievable, they were good tenants and had never missed a payment in previous owned or rented properties, but a few months down the line they find themselves homeless in temporary ‘housing’.

My friend’s husband has severely crippling arthritis, is waiting a hip replacement, in a lot of pain barely able to move many days and is therefore unable to work. My friend is caring for her husband and has 3 children, 2 of which are toddler-preschool age and her eldest has a complex disability called 22q11 Deletion Syndrome. She therefore doesn’t work, having given up her job following her maternity leave for her third child. Due to this, they receive benefits. I don’t know the full details of what but their circumstances require it and having (both of them) worked for most of their adult lives despite having children, despite having a longterm illness, it is with no shame that they should be able to ask for a little help at this time in their lives!

As soon as they were given notice on their rental property, they started the hunt for a new house and they registered with both Christchurch Housing Association and Poole. They tried to find a private rental home, making phonecall after phonecall but without any luck. Why? Finding a place that accepts benefits is hard enough but possible but finding a place that will accept you without a Guarantor? No private rentor will touch them! If they will rent to them the conditions are inadequate for their family and circumstances, although compared to their current circumstances I’m sure they’d jump at the chance. They are on a list for a Housing Association property but they are all full and there are no council properties in their area and unbelievably, when a property becomes available, they are too low down on the priority rating to qualify for the property.

I have seen documentaries on TV about families living in over-crowded accommodation. I was shocked! Their ‘houses’ now seem like a small piece of heaven. I’m not saying that what the people on the documentaries were enduring wasn’t overcrowding and they don’t deserve better conditions but my friend and her family are 5, 1 with arthritis and 1 with special needs, living in one room with poor cooking facilities which are inadequate to cook a meal for a family of 5 and are shared with the rest of the house’s residents, with shared bathroom facilities, in considerably less than clean (not for their want of trying to make it so) conditions. Many of the other residents do not behave in a way you’d wish your young family to be exposed to. Out of respect to my friend, I will spare her the embarrassment of going into full details but she has shared some examples with me and my heart breaks for them all. This is what it means to be homeless and to be placed in temporary ‘Bed & Breakfast’ housing of by the Local Authority.

Is this really acceptable? Is this really the only solution? How can I sit back and do nothing while this is happening? I am sure they are not alone, I know of one other person in another area that has been going through similar for 6 months! (Apparently it is the law that they should not be in temporary housing for more than 6 weeks but it also appears that this is a joke! – one that no one is laughing at!). I don’t know anything about politics, law, housing, I’m rubbish at arguing and debating, I shy away from confrontation but this is making me so angry and upset that I can’t just sit back and watch it happen and not say anything.

I will be writing a letter to the Christchurch MP although, as I don’t live in Christchurch myself (though I do live in Dorset) I’m expecting they will not reply about this specific situation but what else can I do? My friend has written to the Minister of Housing and the case is ‘being looked into’ but this should never have been allowed to happen.

If you are a Secret Millionaire reading this right now, this family needs you!

I feel so useless and I wish there was something more that I can do but for now, I am blogging in the hope that it raises some awareness of their plight and I am asking the angels to watch over them and to shine a light in their direction. They need it right now!

Here is Karen’s blog if you wish to follow her story and offer her some support. You may wish to read the following stories in particular:

Homeless Part 1 – The Current Rant
Homeless Part 2 – My Past Rant
Homeless Part 3 – The Update
Homeless – Life in a B&B

2012 Reflection and 2013 Projection

As is common at this time of year, I have been reflecting on the year just gone and thinking about what I want to achieve in the year ahead.

So, firstly, looking back. Its been a busy year!

It started on rather a low note as we had to say goodbye to our beloved cat Lottie who had been part of my life for 15 treasured years. Aside from the place in each of our hearts where she’ll always be, I am reminded every time I take to Callum to nursery or pick him up as the vets is right next door. It breaks my heart when on occasion Callum has looked over and asked where Lottie is.

Then life took a much brighter path as we bought and moved into our lovely house in March and then there was that small thing of having a baby girl in August!!!

Stuart has been through yet another hard & gruelling year at work – I swear every year he says it’ll be better the next year and then the next year is harder still. Its was hard for us as a family with work taking over precious family time more and more until it was with no surprise (but made no easier nonetheless) that Stuart fell ill when he went on to paternity leave and was forced (during long days spent unable to get out of bed) to consider his priorities. That was a turning point for him with how he balanced work time and family time. Unfortunately for him, it doesn’t mean his work has got any easier and probably harder as he has had to try to squish much more into a shorter period as he had made the decision to make working from home the exception rather than the rule. But it has made a big difference to our evenings and weekends so I thank him for that sacrifice – and for a work-a-holic, I appreciate that it is in a way a sacrifice.

We had hoped that by now, following our relocation from Surrey to Bournemouth, to have grown our local social life a little more than we have. We knew that meeting people and making connections was going to be a slow process in a new place but its probably taken longer than either of us expected. Again, probably harder for Stuart as I have at least made many mummy friends especially through my addiction moderate use of Twitter but for Stuart, his only interaction with the outside (of our family) world so far has been at work. This is starting to change now though and I am hopeful we will both start socialising and meeting more people in 2013 [makes Puss in Boots eyes at you all].

The new addition to the family has been another life changing moment on a par to when Callum entered our lives. In some ways the transition from a family of 3 to family of 4 has been less of a shock to the system as from 2 to 3 but it brings with it different challenges and the hormonal breakdowns and sleep deprivation feels much tougher 4 years on from the first time. But when I think how blessed I am with my gorgeous son and beautiful girl, I both beam and shed a tear with happiness . I couldn’t ask for anything more wonderful than the family I have – and knowing that I hopefully wont have to be pregnant ever again just adds even more sparkle to it all (I’m not a very good pregnant lady – Stuart will testify!).

So it will be fair to say 2012 has been an emotional rollercoaster.

Which brings me on to my hopes for 2013.

Quite frankly, above all I hope for a much more chilled year! I wont be making any resolutions as such but there are things I would hope to achieve in the next year.

• OK, I best make it my first point as I’ve already mentioned it above– to start socialising more as a couple. Making the relationships we have already made stronger but meeting more people that we hope will become good friends of the future.
• In addition to the above, I would also like to see more of our current very good friends who are now spread over the UK as our paths have taken us on our different journeys.
• To go to Thailand. It is my current dream holiday. I spent a very brief couple of nights there with work back in 2007 and I’ve been desperate to go back there for leisure and to take Callum with me. Because it is only worth going there for a 2 week period, we would need to take the kids. For both cost and comfort reasons, if we don’t go this year, it would mean waiting several more years longer for either both kids to be old enough to stay with relatives, or we came into a healthy sum of money [checks the lottery numbers!] plus I consider Callum only now being able to cope with a long-haul flight without sending us crazy as the other passengers made plots to throw us out the plane without a parachute between us! I imagine it will be another 3-4 years minimum before Millie is at that stage too.
• I would like to find a good job which I love but allows me to balance my role as a mother. I very much see my job as a career and I feel sad to think I may not be able to embrace it in the same way I could before children. I worry about how I will manage the juggle of school/nursery runs, childcare and work. I wont lie, I have struggled with the sacrifice that my career will always be second to Stuarts as when we took the decision to have a family, my primary role became that of a mother. When I worked full time after having Callum – the balance worked out fine as Callum was in nursery but this year he starts school so I have the confusing arrangement of schools, breakfast clubs, after-school clubs, nursery, child-minder or whatever we decide best suits our lives. Others manage it, so I am sure we will too but I do see it as being one of my biggest challenges of 2013. Firstly finding a job I love and that works for me and secondly sorting out the childcare.
• Finally, as I’ve just mentioned, Callum starts school this year. I hope that he settles well in his new school and our little boy continues to grow in confidence as well as academically and enjoys himself along the way.

So, there you have it!

I’d like to say thank you to all of you who have followed my blogs and my journey through the 2012 and I invite you to stick with me through 2013 (here and here) as I value your support. I wish you all a very happy New Year and I hope you achieve all you desire for the year ahead, whatever that may be - and please feel free to share with me as I’d love to hear your hopes and dreams for 2013 too.

Our House, In the Middle of Our Street

We’re in! We’ve moved.

Sorry for the blog silence of late but it has been for two reasons:

1. because I am pregnant the Pregnancy-Mummy Diary is getting most of the attention; and
2. because we’ve been moving house and, apart from not having the time, we were also without internet for 2 weeks.

But all is well now and we are settling in nicely and making it feel like home…slowly but surely!

One thing I’d thoroughly recommend is getting removal men! Big win!

I’ve been parping on about doing so for a while. I tried to get Stuart to agree when we moved from Godalming to Bournemouth but he wouldn’t do it. I’d showed him lots of positive stories and was bringing him on side but then my parents put him off. This time, I was determined! I am pregnant and the last thing I wanted to be doing was lugging big boxes around the house etc and also, we were struggling to fit in the house as we were, we had no where to store a mountain of boxes again. Stuart finally agreed subject to me getting a good price! We were moving less than 2 miles up the road and from a small 2 bed house with no loft, garage or shed etc so I was hopeful.

I got 2 quotes – both from highly rated companies on check a trade. The first one quoted around £800 (incl of tax). I thought this was far too high and my hopes were dashed. The second company was also recommended by a colleague from Stuart’s (and my but that’s another blog post) work. They quoted less than £500 (incl tax) – bonus! We signed them up quick!

They did exactly what we wanted them to do – they packed, they moved and they got it all done in one day which was a day earlier than planned too. They were called Brown & Brown Removals if anyone local is interested.

Moving on (pardon the pun), we have also ordered our new sofas and I’m very excited. We ordered them from Next and they should be here in about 3-4 more weeks. We’ve also bought some new curtains for the lounge & dining room although they need to be taken up before they are hung, and also curtains for the spare room. We are still a long way from being where we want to be as we need lots of storage and other bits and ends but we are making steps in the right direction. Oh, how could I nearly have forgot…and our HUGE MAHOOOSIVE American style fridge that I was very excited about! I LOVE it!

Callum has adapted well to the move, as I hoped (and thought) he would. He has so much room to run around in, why wouldn’t he?

I also think we have (friendly) company. We obviously left someone behind when we moved as the doorbell went shortly after we were in and when Stuart went to open it, there was no one there. There was no sign of it being kids having fun and its not a very big street so unlikely. I’m pretty sure ‘someone’ just wanted to be let in. Also, I was ill in bed a couple of weeks after we’d moved and I heard running up the stairs and automatically thought it was next door – then remembered we are detached. Shortly after, I heard footsteps as if running on the laminate floor in the dining room – kitchen area. I don’t feel uncomfortable here though and even when I’ve been in the house on my own (with Callum asleep) I’ve not been scared so I’m not worried and I quite like the company as I am sure its friendly.