Working with your partner

When an opportunity arose to work with Stuart, I had my reservations.

The company is in an industry that really interests me and, with my training background, suits me quite well so under any other circumstances I would have jumped at the chance and jumped right in. However, Stuart is quite senior being a Director which gives cause to some of my concerns but it is also a fairly small (to medium) sized company with 2/3rds of the company based in Bournemouth, where we both work, in a 2 roomed office location (we both work in the same office although opposite ends at least) so its not exactly like we can keep our distance.

Making friends

Firstly, I’m going to be known as ‘the bosses wife’! This means making friends with colleagues at work doesn’t happen as naturally as it would do normally at a place of work. Would people open up to me for fear of me running off to tell Stuart? Gaining people’s confidence and trust would be a slow process. Likewise, would I be able to do the same with them and ‘just be me’. I’m quite an open person normally, often to my detriment, and find myself opening my mouth and embarrassing story after embarrassing story falling out! I’m full of innuendo and sarcastic comments. But what kind of light would that put Stuart in? Opening up about me would also be opening up about him too. Would anything I could say affect his reputation and the respect people have for him? This is all probably just as well as there has been many a time when I have thought in the past “I really shouldn’t have said that” and perhaps I should sometimes keep a little bit back!!! But its also not ‘me’! Stuart even admitted before I started that he was worried about me being a bit too open about myself!

Maintaining a Professional Front

How you talk to friends and loved ones outside of work is often very different to how you would speak to them in work! You have a lot less patience for a husband/wife than you would a work colleague. When explaining something to a colleague, if they were being a bit slow to grasp something or needed more guidance/support with something, you are willing to give them that extra time, take things slowly, think of other ways to get the message across (well I know I am). With your partner you are more likely to get snappy, inpatient and frustrated and let those feelings show. Its natural – its hard to hold back because you are used to speaking your mind to them. And if Stuart was to talk to me like that, I’d find it hard not to retaliate! i don’t want work colleagues to see that side of me and to think I’d be like that with everyone.

Taking Work Home

When do you switch off? You live together and you work together then you come home and work together while you live together. It gets too much, you need boundaries. I strongly believe you need to separate the worlds!

Venting

This goes two ways – venting about Stuart at work and venting about work with Stuart.

Not only do I have to watch what I say about me but also about what I say about Stuart. I don’t have/see many people outside of my family so those days when you want to just go and have a moan about an argument you had or whatever, I would normally do in a close ally at work! I clearly can’t do that now and if we start the morning on the wrong foot I can’t brood on it, I have to get over it before I walk through the door at work because we need to put our professional face on – we can’t be seen to be having a ‘tiff’ or bringing the relationship into work! Admittedly, this isn’t a common occurrence, we don’t argue often but there are still times when I may just want to vent!

Then, if I have a bad day, something happens at work or someone says something that annoys me, I can’t come home and talk about it. Again, how does Stuart separate what I am telling him as confiding in him as my partner or as my superior or the boss of those I’m talking to him about. Again, its not something that would happen often but if I have a bad day at work I want to come home and talk it through so I can get it out of my system, deal with it and move on.

Its not only me that has to worry, its Stuart too. He has bad days too and, like me, will want to talk about it. Now, if he does that he could be breaking a confidence.

In each case, what we say about someone could affect the way the other person views them going forward.

These were my concerns before I took the job and are also the ones I still face. Working with your other half certainly isn’t easy. I love working, I love the work I’m doing, I enjoy working for the company but it still hasn’t changed my views on working with my husband and not something I would want to do long-term in an ideal world!

If it was a bigger company where we could keep our working lives quite separate or if we were even on the same level it might be different but in the current circumstances its not without its challenges!

Ultimately, although this is a step in the right direction, I’m still struggling in my ongoing battle to find and be ‘Me’!