Our Story – How We Met

Today, Stuart and I have been married for 6 years. Not a special anniversary though every anniversary, of course, is special for us as it is a celebration of our relationship.

I just wanted to reflect back on the day we tied the not but also over the past 6 years and firstly a how we got together. So this is Part 1 of our story, how we met.

I met Stuart through a mutual friend, Sparky, back in (as Stuart calls it) the Summer of Love in 2003. It was a gorgeous summer – the sun shone for much of it throughout June and July and we were both social little bunnies sampling the delights that London had to offer. Stuart lived in Wood Green  with a couple of friends, James & Phil, and I lived in Balham with my friend Drew, and then Claire and Jan.

The first time we met was when he was with his then girlfriend and we went to a club. To be honest, we didn’t spend much time together and because he had a girlfriend I didn’t give him much thought. We spent the night dancing in separate rooms of the club…me with my broken arm in a pink cast following a football incident (back then I played five a side football and had the position of goalie for my fearless throwing myself after the ball and menacing tiger like growl!!! he he).

We met a couple of other times after that when out and I became aware that him and his girlfriend had ‘separated’ – she had gone back home to Switzerland so they could have some space – so I may have flirted a bit! He was oblivious to my ‘charms’ so I flirted a bit more. Nope, nothing! So I gave up!

I then had work drinks and Sparky had been invited along (it was a relaxed affair and many of my work colleagues were my outside of work friends too) and Sparky invited Stuart. We bonded a bit more as he smoked the same cigarettes I used to smoke (menthol Marlborough lights) and started smoking again that night! He had a rotten cold so I told him there were 3 things that cured a cold! I’d like to point out that at this point I wasn’t flirting, I had given up on that and was just chatting to him as I would any friend. I told him the 3 cures…one I will not say, the other two were alcohol and sex! Apparently, he told me later, he thought I was then flirting! Typical me…try and you get no where, don’t try and…it all happens! We all got drunk! Very drunk! I invited Sparky and Stuart back to mine. After a bit more drinking…and smoking…Sparky retired to bed and that left Stuart and I…we did more than just drinking and smoking!!!!

I woke the next morning on my bedroom floor wearing different clothes to what I’d started in the night before!!!!

I’d said goodbye to Stuart and Sparky and, to be honest, didn’t think much of it. Thought it was just a drunken one night stand.

I was actually off work at the time because of my broken arm so used to go to an internet cafe to check emails. Stuart and I exchanged a few regarding that night, me joking that I couldn’t remember it and him saying was it that bad etc! Then it became apparent that he was interested in more than just a one night stand. I was off to a dance festival with Sparky and some other friends that weekend in Derbyshire but Stuart hadn’t got tickets.

Once we were there, we heard that Stuart and James had got tickets and were on their way! Stuart and I ‘secretly’ wondered off together to talk about stuff. I wasn’t sure on the state of his relationship with his girlfriend. She was in Switzerland and they were ‘on a break’ but was that in a ‘we intend to get back together’ break or ‘we are just stretching out the painful process of finally splitting up’. They had been on-off for a while so I wanted to be sure & didn’t want to be the cause of the break up…though suppose I should’ve thought of that a bit earlier than now! He assured me that it was definitely over this time and he had no intention of getting back together. So we snogged, went on a ride (of the theme park variety – there was no funny business at the festival!! what kind of girl do you  think I am…oh yeah, one that gets drunk and sleeps with boys in one night stands!!!). We then rejoined the group. We both remember a funny moment in the night when a random girl came over and stroked Stuart’s (then) very fit chest! Ha ha!

A couple of days later we went on our first date, on 28 July! We went to Fuel at Covent Garden. I’d been out during the day at Tate Modern with a friend and had turned up considerably late! Oops! But he had waited and we had a lovely time. I laid my cards on the table. I knew he had just come out of a long relationship so may not be up for anything serious. I, on the other hand, had had enough of seeing people for a month or two and the relationship never really going anywhere so was ready for something more serious. So I said to him, if he wanted to go and have a bit of fun first, we could perhaps pick up again in a few months if we were both still single, then that was ok with me but I wasn’t getting into another relationship unless I expected it to go somewhere. He reassured me that he wasn’t interested in doing that and he was ready for a serious relationship with me! I then wondered why I hadn’t tried that approach with the other guys I had dated…it would have solved a lot of bother and silly games!

So that was the beginning of us. Other than a week shortly after when he went to Ibiza with friends we saw each other every day. Stuart started declaring his love for me after just a month or two (which damn near sent me running) and then he moved in with myself, Claire and Jan after 2 months. By Christmas, people were running bets on us as to when Stuart would propose. We moved into our own rented house after about 6 months and then, on our year anniversary, Stuart proposed. No one won the bet!

Part 2, our wedding, coming soon!

Goodbye

So, following my last post, it might not be a surprise to hear but it fills me with sadness to write…Lotté is no longer with us.

To pick up where I left you last post…

The vet had told us that she was too stressed to force the antibiotics down her so to try to give them to her with food – such as in cream cheese. That Friday night, I made a bowl up of cheddar cheese, cream cheese, chicken and cat treats with her tablets hidden among the cheese in the hope that she might eat something. She hardly glanced at it! She then hid under the bed for the rest of the afternoon. There was no chance were were going to get her to take the antibiotics.

Sometime that evening, she moved out from under our bed and into Callum’s room. Its not unknown for  her to go into Callum’s room but certainly not normal behaviour. A normal evening would be us getting into bed and her settling down on my legs for a bit while I would read my book. She would then get up to have some water then either curl up at the end of the bed by our feet or curled behind my legs otherwise she’d hop up onto the windowsill. It felt sad to not have her on our bed.

Saturday morning, when Callum woke up, I jumped up to go and see her to make sure Callum didn’t see her and start prodding her in some way. He wasn’t near her but he was making quite a racket in his room. She hardly moved. A couple of times she moved from laying to sitting while giving Callum evil looks then would gingerly lay back down again putting her head on her front paws. There was mess everywhere as she was unable to control her bodily fluids and she was sick a couple of times. I  knew she would not be in Callum’s room at that noisy point in time if she could choose not to be so this spoke to me just how poorly she was. She looked in pain, she looked disinterested in everything.

When Stuart got up, we spoke and agreed we should call the vet and started to prepare ourselves for the inevitable decision which we were going to have to make.

The vet agreed we should take her in to see if there was anything they could do for her but no one was hopeful.

To get her into the cat basket, Stuart had to remove the top half and lift her in carefully rather than through the front door. While waiting in the vets she messed herself.

This was what was breaking my heart. For anyone that knows cats, knows how particular they are at cleaning themselves. Certainly, for Lotté, she was meticulous. If you stroked her, within the minute afterwards she would be washing herself again even if she had just done it.  To now be in this undignified state, unable to control her bowel and covered in her own faeces – she couldn’t continue like this, it just wasn’t fair on her.

When we saw the vet, she agreed, she was just existing. It was time to say goodbye. Not sure Callum really understood at that point what was going on but he wouldn’t say goodbye to her but did kiss her on her head.

We had some time alone with her to say goodbye then Stuart took Callum out while I stayed with her while they administered an injection into her liver.

It was so quick. Almost instantly her eyes glazed over then about 20 seconds later the vet confirmed she had gone. Her little life was gone.

It was hard to see but I am glad I was there. Stuart was equally pleased he wasn’t there to see it and I certainly wouldn’t have wanted Callum to see her.

Being as we are in rented accommodation about to move into a house we are buying, we have no where currently to bury her so we decided it was best to get her cremated and we will then bury her ashes in the garden of our new place. I discussed our wishes with the vet, said one last goodbye to Lotté then went to find Stuart.

As you can imagine, I was in tears. I didn’t know where Stuart was so peaked in the waiting room and must have looked a right site. I felt sorry for those people in the waiting room with their pets as they must have been reminded of their pets mortality – I know I would have been. Stuart wasn’t there so I headed outside where I found them both and Stuart broke down when he saw me. There is nothing that hits you in the heart more than a man breaking down in tears except for the awareness sinking in to your 3 year old and him crying out “I want Lotté” while the tears started to fall. It was a heart-breaking scene but then we were heartbroken.

Callum kept up the crying out all the way home (which thankfully wasn’t a long journey, just up the road) and was devastated when we got home and took a lot of comforting. Its quite a difficult thing to try to have to explain to someone so young. I’m still not sure if he fully understands. He has asked a couple of times where she is and then followed up with “Lotté’s hiding”. I’ve told him she is with the stars.

15 years she was in my life. Stuart warmed to her as soon as he met her, 8.5 years ago, and he wouldn’t describe himself previously as being a cat person. She was a member of our family.

My family and friends were saddened by the news too. Lotté loved people and more selfishly loved the strokes and attention she got from everyone. As soon as any visitors arrived (children excluded) she would be there on their laps demanding a stroke and you daren’t stop before she was ready or she’d give you a tap on the hand or nose as if to say “did I say you could stop”. She was also so beautiful it was hard not to love her.

We will all miss her but she will remain in our hearts.

I’ll leave you with some of our favourite photos.

Window shopping and a door or two and maybe some walls and a roof…

So the hunt is on! We are looking for a new house to buy! I’m having so much fun!

Now, what girl doesn’t like shopping? Well, me actually, when it is clothes shopping or food shopping! I am actually a crap girl where that kind of shopping is concerned. I can’t stand sales as I am usually looking for something in particular and they take all the usual stock off the shelves. I’ll be more than happy paying full price, I just want whatever that thing is but can’t find it! Otherwise, if I purposely go sale shopping I get there too late for anything good to still be left. I can’t be doing that queuing at the crack of dawn stuff to bustle all the other ladies out of the way just so I can grab a bargain!  I remember my sister going to the Next sale at 8.5 months pregnant and the other women were taking no prisoners, pregnant or not! I just can’t be doing that.

Anyway, I digress slightly.

House shopping is totally different! You get to go and have a good old nosey at other peoples houses saying “I like that bathroom but no, the garden’s too small” and “Yes, well the whole thing needs decorating and modernising”.

And some of the houses you see.  Some are like walking back in time – they’ve actually made me a little sentimental as they often remind me of my late Nan. The same walnut and glass cabinets containing dodgy porcelain ornaments and ornamental plates, the same gaudy carpets which clash with the chintz wallpaper that’s a different chintz to the 3 piece suite and most of all, the same musty smell! I love you Nan!

Then there are the houses that are just stunning – probably above your budget but you go to see them anyway because you can’t resist, telling yourself they may drop 50k, you never know…!

We have very particular criteria, like people often do when they are buying house, but may not be the usual things the Estate Agent expects to hear:

1. There must be a downstairs loo, sorry ‘cloakroom’
2. There must be a dishwasher or room to put a dishwasher
3. It must be perfectly decorated or needs very little doing to it, and finished to a high spec! After moving into our last property that was ‘liveable’ but needed a bit of decorating, new bathroom (I mean, mint green suite and brown flower tiles!!!) and ideally a new kitchen when we moved in and still needed mostly redecorating (we had done the 3 bedrooms) and desperately needed a new kitchen when we moved out 6 years later (having only just done the bathroom!)– we know we just aren’t cut out for decorating/renovating a house, as lovely as the theory might be. Even with my Dad (DIY man & decorator extraordinaire) just up the road this time – we don’t want to take any risks!
4. Preferably, not too big a garden – enough to stick a trampoline in and to sit out and enjoy with a bbq in the summer. Having had lovely quite big gardens in the past that I just couldn’t keep up with the maintenance for – I want to be a bit more realistic with my gardening skills (or lack of them) this time

There are others too, like number of bedrooms, guest room/study space etc but the above are what’s important to us!

Its also a bit like playing a game of top trumps.

You go to see a house and you do all the oohs and ahhs that the Estate Agent wants to hear and they tell you to get in quick if you want a second viewing. You are even contemplating the second viewing. Then you go to the next house and it trumps the last one so when Estate Agent A calls you have to say sorry, no, Estate Agent B has just shown me better house than yours, we’re not interested any more. So Estate Agent A says, have you seen this house then? And true enough, it is again even better than the last one.

Although, I am a little nervous as we haven’t got our mortgage in principle done yet so its a bit like shopping with a brand new credit card but you haven’t found out the limit! But then you can also kid yourself its free unlimited money that means you can afford that stunning perfect mansion!

And its easy to keep going higher when you don’t have a set budget yet. You look at what you think you can afford and you are relatively happy with that.Then you look at the next band up and think wow, they look lovely, think how much better it would be if we had that much to spend. You do some calculations and, good news, you can save a bit here and stretch a bit there, settle for 10% deposit instead of 15% and who needs chairs to sit on and an oven to cook on anyway? and you realise you can afford the next band up, then you see the band above that…and so on! Greed, I guess it is! We always want more and always think we deserve more!

Ultimately, I must remember, I just want a cosy and safe place to bring up my family – the home is what you make it, after all! Was going to say “as long as its full of love” but that’s just a little bit too cheesy!

So, bring on the next house!