Goodbye

So, following my last post, it might not be a surprise to hear but it fills me with sadness to write…Lotté is no longer with us.

To pick up where I left you last post…

The vet had told us that she was too stressed to force the antibiotics down her so to try to give them to her with food – such as in cream cheese. That Friday night, I made a bowl up of cheddar cheese, cream cheese, chicken and cat treats with her tablets hidden among the cheese in the hope that she might eat something. She hardly glanced at it! She then hid under the bed for the rest of the afternoon. There was no chance were were going to get her to take the antibiotics.

Sometime that evening, she moved out from under our bed and into Callum’s room. Its not unknown for  her to go into Callum’s room but certainly not normal behaviour. A normal evening would be us getting into bed and her settling down on my legs for a bit while I would read my book. She would then get up to have some water then either curl up at the end of the bed by our feet or curled behind my legs otherwise she’d hop up onto the windowsill. It felt sad to not have her on our bed.

Saturday morning, when Callum woke up, I jumped up to go and see her to make sure Callum didn’t see her and start prodding her in some way. He wasn’t near her but he was making quite a racket in his room. She hardly moved. A couple of times she moved from laying to sitting while giving Callum evil looks then would gingerly lay back down again putting her head on her front paws. There was mess everywhere as she was unable to control her bodily fluids and she was sick a couple of times. I  knew she would not be in Callum’s room at that noisy point in time if she could choose not to be so this spoke to me just how poorly she was. She looked in pain, she looked disinterested in everything.

When Stuart got up, we spoke and agreed we should call the vet and started to prepare ourselves for the inevitable decision which we were going to have to make.

The vet agreed we should take her in to see if there was anything they could do for her but no one was hopeful.

To get her into the cat basket, Stuart had to remove the top half and lift her in carefully rather than through the front door. While waiting in the vets she messed herself.

This was what was breaking my heart. For anyone that knows cats, knows how particular they are at cleaning themselves. Certainly, for Lotté, she was meticulous. If you stroked her, within the minute afterwards she would be washing herself again even if she had just done it.  To now be in this undignified state, unable to control her bowel and covered in her own faeces – she couldn’t continue like this, it just wasn’t fair on her.

When we saw the vet, she agreed, she was just existing. It was time to say goodbye. Not sure Callum really understood at that point what was going on but he wouldn’t say goodbye to her but did kiss her on her head.

We had some time alone with her to say goodbye then Stuart took Callum out while I stayed with her while they administered an injection into her liver.

It was so quick. Almost instantly her eyes glazed over then about 20 seconds later the vet confirmed she had gone. Her little life was gone.

It was hard to see but I am glad I was there. Stuart was equally pleased he wasn’t there to see it and I certainly wouldn’t have wanted Callum to see her.

Being as we are in rented accommodation about to move into a house we are buying, we have no where currently to bury her so we decided it was best to get her cremated and we will then bury her ashes in the garden of our new place. I discussed our wishes with the vet, said one last goodbye to Lotté then went to find Stuart.

As you can imagine, I was in tears. I didn’t know where Stuart was so peaked in the waiting room and must have looked a right site. I felt sorry for those people in the waiting room with their pets as they must have been reminded of their pets mortality – I know I would have been. Stuart wasn’t there so I headed outside where I found them both and Stuart broke down when he saw me. There is nothing that hits you in the heart more than a man breaking down in tears except for the awareness sinking in to your 3 year old and him crying out “I want Lotté” while the tears started to fall. It was a heart-breaking scene but then we were heartbroken.

Callum kept up the crying out all the way home (which thankfully wasn’t a long journey, just up the road) and was devastated when we got home and took a lot of comforting. Its quite a difficult thing to try to have to explain to someone so young. I’m still not sure if he fully understands. He has asked a couple of times where she is and then followed up with “Lotté’s hiding”. I’ve told him she is with the stars.

15 years she was in my life. Stuart warmed to her as soon as he met her, 8.5 years ago, and he wouldn’t describe himself previously as being a cat person. She was a member of our family.

My family and friends were saddened by the news too. Lotté loved people and more selfishly loved the strokes and attention she got from everyone. As soon as any visitors arrived (children excluded) she would be there on their laps demanding a stroke and you daren’t stop before she was ready or she’d give you a tap on the hand or nose as if to say “did I say you could stop”. She was also so beautiful it was hard not to love her.

We will all miss her but she will remain in our hearts.

I’ll leave you with some of our favourite photos.