Silent Sunday

Sleep paralysis dream: The girl with no face

It's been a while since this happened but my sleep has been up the wall again over the last week - week and a half. Some of it insomnia, some of it Millie related, some of it  self-inflicted. So it is no real surprise I suffered from a sleep paralysis attack again last night. The dream started fine & not scary but the sleep paralysis always leaves me frightened when I wake.

Here it is. Feel free to analyse before I have a go at doing so later.

I am camping/caravaning with a mixture of friends & family. I can't remember much of this stage of the dream. Then the same people go back to my aunt & uncle's house. The house is very clean & modern. It's not a house I recognise in waking life but the layout of back of house merges into that of my old family home. My niece Sofia & cousin's daughter Rosie go into the garden (which is similar but smaller than the garden in my old family home...this is the house/garden that always appears in my dreams) where a few of us are already standing. They jump on something next to where my friend Jo is lying down snoozing. My aunt tells us about there being invisible things in the garden. We then noticed Sofia & Rosie are playing on a playground apparatus (bit like a cross between a seesaw and a roundabout but smaller, it bounces & goes round - there's one at the quomps playground in Christchurch) but it is invisible. Jo gets really annoyed as they were virtually on top of her & she wanted to sleep. Uncle rick is making tea inside the house. I overhear my aunt tell my mum that she is disappointed that no one was offering to help Uncle Rick & that she felt everyone was taking advantage/being ungrateful or something & I am embarrassed as they are my friends & are being rude to my aunt & uncle as hosts.

The next thing, one of my friends & I are in a shop looking for a present for my aunt & uncle. Lots of pretty crystals & shells. There is a medium you can pay to see in another room - we aren't interested but see others going in. Then a disabled man comes in & breaks down to this man me & my friend are talking to. He is desperate for some mobility assistance around his house to improve his standard of living (man about 60). I felt it was unfair that he could hardly move & was reduced to begging for help when you can tell he is a proud man whereas a different girl we knew was a lot less disabled but all the help going had been thrown at her without her having to try. I was crying for the man, my heart was breaking for him.

Suddenly I'm in bed asleep, it's dark & a woman comes in to the from & up to the side of the bed where I'm sleeping & wakes me. I'm surprised at her bursting in & at first I think its the psychic, then think its someone (a nurse) who is offering assistance to the man. I question her and ask who she is. She doesn't speak, she has no face but I can tell she is smiling. I try to reach out to touch her face to find out who she is while asking her. She doesn't reply & I can't move. I'm getting scared & don't like her there smiling but not talking to me but I can't move. I'm paralysed. Then I wake.

ETA: on my 'wake me up I can't breathe' post I wondered whether these attacks are more likely to happen on a fast day so I thought it was worth logging that this also happened on a fast day.

5:2 Something I Can Stick To

I’ve been doing the 5:2 diet for 6 months now so thought it was time to give you an update.

Here are my starting vitals:

Weight: 10st 12.2lb
Body fat: 16.6%
BMI: 24.4
Chest: 35”; Waist: 37”; Hips: 42”; and Thigh: 23”

and my current vitals:

Weight: 10st 1.4lb
Body fat: 15.9 %
BMI: 22. (something or other)
Chest: 35”; Waist: 36”; Hips: 40”; and Thigh: 22”

(I should point out that the body fat index is done on my home scales & is unreliable – these figure show I do not have enough body fat to be healthy which is an utter lie! Healthy range is 21-33%. I can take a photo of my wobbly bits if you want me to prove I have body fat – but please don’t make me do that, it’s not pretty!)

So, to sum up, that’s a total of 4 inches of my body and just short of 11lb lost. In fairness, I expected the inches to be more as I am really happy with how I feel but I guess it’s because of the wobbly belly that comes after having a couple of babies!

I would have liked to have got to my target by now which was 9st 12lb and I have been hovering around this 10st 1-2lb weight for a while but if I look at the overall achievement then I can’t be disappointed and, like I said, I feel good and I am mostly happy at how I look in the mirror. Sure, I can see all the lumps in the wrong places and the bits that wobble that shouldn’t but if I stop being so critical and try to see myself as others would see me (i.e. if I was looking at someone else with my body) then I am pleased with where I am.

My loss has been slow going but I put this down to not having much to lose (& being a healthy BMI to start with) and to really not restricting what I eat or drink on the non-fast days. Others have followed this diet and lost weight quicker and more lbs than I but the whole point of this for me (aside from the health benefits being just as much a priority as the weightloss) was that I wasn’t going to be restricting myself for 5 out of 7 days so it was something that I could stick to. And 6 months down the line I think I’ve proved that. I normally give up on diets around the 6 week mark!

Exercise has been a bit up and down. I will exercise regularly for a few weeks and then it will dwindle off to nothing for a few weeks before I kick my but and get back on it again.

I have a couple of theories relating to patterns to weightloss:

Effect of the menstrual cycle

Week One: Just after my period my weight drops
Week Two: I stay the same or go up a lb or 2
Week Three: I either go up a lb or if weight went up week before will stay the same then about a day before my period I will drop back to what I was at week one
Week Four: I stay the same as the end of week 1 and 3.

I weigh myself once a week but if I was to weigh myself once a month at the end of my period (which usually finished on weigh day – Friday), I would notice a loss without all the stay the same and weight gain disappointment in between. Usually my weightloss is between half a pound to a pound but more frequently, especially recently, it has been half a pound.

Effect of Exercise

As I mentioned above, my exercise routine has been a bit all over the place so I’ve noticed that on the first week that I start exercising again my weight will stay the same. I wont lose until the second week of exercise (unless it coincides with week 3 of my menstrual cycle). If I stop exercising, I will lose more weight than normal but will put it straight back on the week after.

These observations are just theories rather than scientific fact at the moment as I haven’t been documenting the changes and because the exercise is so erratic it is hard to know what effects are down to my menstrual cycle as said above, down to what I’ve eaten & drunk that week or from the changes to exercise routine. If I could stick to the same exercise routine for a couple of months I’d probably get a better idea with regards to the menstrual cycle theory.

Well that’s not going to happen this month as I’m going on holiday and plan on stuffing my face for a full 7 out of 7 days with little exercise for the next 2 weeks.

Health wise, I am useless and never did go to get the all over mot check I said I would. I did google but couldn’t find somewhere to get the blood tests for free (the place I’d heard about was for people over 50) and didn’t think the Drs would do it without good reason so it never happened. I have had a BP check this week which was worryingly high (I’ve always suffered from borderline high BP and checks 10 years ago concluded White-Coat Hypertension). I did tell the Dr that I’d been doing the 5:2 diet in case she thought it relevant but she didn’t see why that should raise my bp. So, I’ll be back for tests after my holiday when hopefully the holiday will have worked its magic and I’ll be well rested and my BP will be back to healthy again.

As a side effect, Stuart and I have both noticed our sleep is affected on Fast Days. Stuart suffers more than I do, finding it hard to get to sleep then often waking early the next day, I suffer just occasionally.

Otherwise, all feels good! I plan to pick up again when back from my hols!

Au revoir!

Ranty Friday: There’s Any Place But Home!

I’m not a political person, I don’t understand politics and when I try to follow it I get confuddled. I’m often naive when it comes to the promises of politicians. I believe what they tell you and am gutted when they don’t follow through with their promises. I don’t make promises myself because I believe if you promise something you have to stick to it but sometimes life and circumstance cause you to break them. I will therefore give my word to try my best but I don’t make promises.

I am rubbish in an argument or debate. I will easily get talked down and am unable to articulate myself correctly to get my point across. When I feel strongly about something I find it easier to write things down.

So what brings me to write a blog post about a topic I don’t know anything about? Right now, I really wish I did, I wish I paid attention to the laws, acts and whatever else goes on in parliament because I am so cross. I am so angry & full of rage on behalf of my friend that when I try to speak or write articulately about it, the words just get jumbled in my head so this post could be full of gobbledegook.

My friend and her family had a house they rented. As Landlords do from time to time, their Landlord gave my friend and family notice to move out as they wanted to move back in themselves. For most people this would be inconvenient but they’d find a new property, move and carry on life in their new home. But for my friends, their journey has been very different. They have (or had) a deposit for a new place, they could pay rent and knew what they could afford (aprox £800pcm) which all sounds achievable, they were good tenants and had never missed a payment in previous owned or rented properties, but a few months down the line they find themselves homeless in temporary ‘housing’.

My friend’s husband has severely crippling arthritis, is waiting a hip replacement, in a lot of pain barely able to move many days and is therefore unable to work. My friend is caring for her husband and has 3 children, 2 of which are toddler-preschool age and her eldest has a complex disability called 22q11 Deletion Syndrome. She therefore doesn’t work, having given up her job following her maternity leave for her third child. Due to this, they receive benefits. I don’t know the full details of what but their circumstances require it and having (both of them) worked for most of their adult lives despite having children, despite having a longterm illness, it is with no shame that they should be able to ask for a little help at this time in their lives!

As soon as they were given notice on their rental property, they started the hunt for a new house and they registered with both Christchurch Housing Association and Poole. They tried to find a private rental home, making phonecall after phonecall but without any luck. Why? Finding a place that accepts benefits is hard enough but possible but finding a place that will accept you without a Guarantor? No private rentor will touch them! If they will rent to them the conditions are inadequate for their family and circumstances, although compared to their current circumstances I’m sure they’d jump at the chance. They are on a list for a Housing Association property but they are all full and there are no council properties in their area and unbelievably, when a property becomes available, they are too low down on the priority rating to qualify for the property.

I have seen documentaries on TV about families living in over-crowded accommodation. I was shocked! Their ‘houses’ now seem like a small piece of heaven. I’m not saying that what the people on the documentaries were enduring wasn’t overcrowding and they don’t deserve better conditions but my friend and her family are 5, 1 with arthritis and 1 with special needs, living in one room with poor cooking facilities which are inadequate to cook a meal for a family of 5 and are shared with the rest of the house’s residents, with shared bathroom facilities, in considerably less than clean (not for their want of trying to make it so) conditions. Many of the other residents do not behave in a way you’d wish your young family to be exposed to. Out of respect to my friend, I will spare her the embarrassment of going into full details but she has shared some examples with me and my heart breaks for them all. This is what it means to be homeless and to be placed in temporary ‘Bed & Breakfast’ housing of by the Local Authority.

Is this really acceptable? Is this really the only solution? How can I sit back and do nothing while this is happening? I am sure they are not alone, I know of one other person in another area that has been going through similar for 6 months! (Apparently it is the law that they should not be in temporary housing for more than 6 weeks but it also appears that this is a joke! – one that no one is laughing at!). I don’t know anything about politics, law, housing, I’m rubbish at arguing and debating, I shy away from confrontation but this is making me so angry and upset that I can’t just sit back and watch it happen and not say anything.

I will be writing a letter to the Christchurch MP although, as I don’t live in Christchurch myself (though I do live in Dorset) I’m expecting they will not reply about this specific situation but what else can I do? My friend has written to the Minister of Housing and the case is ‘being looked into’ but this should never have been allowed to happen.

If you are a Secret Millionaire reading this right now, this family needs you!

I feel so useless and I wish there was something more that I can do but for now, I am blogging in the hope that it raises some awareness of their plight and I am asking the angels to watch over them and to shine a light in their direction. They need it right now!

Here is Karen’s blog if you wish to follow her story and offer her some support. You may wish to read the following stories in particular:

Homeless Part 1 – The Current Rant
Homeless Part 2 – My Past Rant
Homeless Part 3 – The Update
Homeless – Life in a B&B

Silent Sunday

 

Putting the Right Shoe First

The view on one of my current runs & why I love running!

I learnt the hard way why it’s so important to get the right trainers for you when you are a runner.

I have always loved running, ever since my first 5k fun run at about the age of 7. I’ve never been an amazing runner and have never run further than a 3.5mile organised run (though once managed 10k when running for leisure/exercise).

The first episode of shin splints was when I was training for a 3.5 mile run around Hyde Park in London. I was running about 3 miles around London in my high street bought trainers a couple of times a week as well as once in the gym.

Then I started getting these niggly muscular-like pains in my shins. However, the run (JPMorgan Chase Run) date had arrived so I vowed to just take it easy and walk when needed. But I was fooling myself! I’m not competitive against other people but against myself is a different story. I knew that I could run the full distance without stopping so, once running, I wouldn’t let myself walk. I ran the whole distance with crippling pains in my shins that then travelled down to my feet. I was stupid but I didn’t know what it was and just thought it was a muscular thing. I could hardly walk after.

The next day I booked an appointment with the office doctor, I hobbled in and she told me I had shin splints. Hairline fractures where my calf muscle was pulling away from my shin bone. It was like any fracture and that I should expect it to take at least 6 weeks to heal. No running!

The guys in the work gym were great and told me I could use the bicycle and showed me different techniques to help (how to move my leg when cycling and to warm up and down by peddling backwards). They said I could use the cross-trainer too. They also told me of a reasonably priced running shoe shop where they asked you to run up and down outside and analysed your gait to see whether you rolled your ankles in or out etc.

I was expecting it to cost me a small fortune but I got a pair of trainers in the sale for £60 – cheaper than most high-street brands!

It instantly made a difference.

Once my shin splints had healed (which actually took more like 8 weeks) I took up running again and then started playing football too. My running trainers were great – comfortable and not a hint of a shin splint but when I played football…ouch! I hadn’t heard of special football boots for shin splints so was at a loss for what I was meant to do. Then a friend and fellow footballer told me that I could buy special insoles for football boots from an online shop called Physio Room. They had insoles specifically for football boots and also other generic ones you could cut down to size. I got both and when my running trainers started showing signs of tiredness, I used the generic ones and they stretched their life a little until I could afford new trainers.

I was told by the trainer shop that you should replace your running shoes every 6 months but I am a bit of a stop-starter when it comes to running and so would say I should change then annually. In reality, I wait for those niggly signs to return before I purchase a new pair which is about every 2 years.

I’ve just reached that point now.

I don’t just buy the same trainers as last time, I go to a specialised shop that analyses my gait and get the right trainers for me. New research means that products and equipment change frequently so I always make sure I am wearing the most appropriate shoe for my running style.

I have never had to pay more than £70 for a pair of trainers since that first time over 10 years ago!

If I could give any advice to someone that was starting running, I could not stress enough the importance of getting the right trainers for you and to ensure you do, get your gait analysed!

Note: I am not a professional runner or sports person. I have had no sports science training or medical training. This post was written from my own running experience and the advice I was given by professionals over the years. All views are my own. Not a sponsored post!

Silent Sunday