The Give & Take

Do you have a ‘junk’ room that used to be a spare room but now you even wonder if there’s still a bed in there at all? Or a loft that may become the lounge if one more thing gets put in there ‘just in case’? A garage that wouldn’t fit another push bike (don’t think I’ve ever actually spoken that phrase ‘push bike’) let alone a car or a shed that has a padlock on for the purpose of keeping the stuff in rather than anyone out?

We have an office that is rapidly becoming that room!

We are a nation of hoarders and I think the financially hard times we have all gone through (and still going) have done nothing to discourage this - we are holding on to broken, tired, surplus items for ever longer.

I am guilty of this, thinking…”I’ll fix that at some point, it’s a shame to just throw it away”; or “you never know when that empty pot might come in handy for some knickknacks. Some things I throw in a craft box pretending I’ll one day sit down with the children and get creative, like my torn denim skirt! The craft box is overflowing!

This was my take-away box collection a couple of weeks ago:

But it isn’t just me that is responsible for not letting go. I am the lucky recipient of other people’s unwanted items because they *think* they are letting go by seeing it go to a ‘good home’. “I was having a clear out the other day and came across this which I thought was a shame to throw out so I’ve brought it round for you”. Yeah thanks!

Don’t get me wrong, I love a good hand-me-down. My daughter’s wardrobe flourishes with gorgeous (and a few not so gorgeous) clothes which people have so kindly donated. I love getting clothes that I probably wouldn’t have afforded brand new or even ventured into the shop where they were purchased. I’ve been very lucky with the clothes Millie has received. In the same vain, the office includes a mountain (and I mean mountain) of clothes waiting to be sorted so I can pass on.I’m all for a bit of recycling!

For this reason, I can’t say no or ask them to stop. I don’t want them to think I’m ungrateful so I take to the drab with the fab, then add them to the pile in the office that I’ll eventually sort and take to charity shop, tip or boot sale! Eventually!

What’s more, I know that if I ask them to stop, the next month I’ll say “I wish I had an antique wooden coffee table” and someone will say “oh, I got rid of one of those last week because you said you didn’t want anymore of my seconds”.

So why can’t I just say no to some of the stuff and accept the others? Because they don’t ask before bringing round they just bring it and if I say no and ask them to take it back with them I can see the crushing disappointment on their face or they try to persuade me that my life is really missing the plastic salad servers or they say “just take it to a charity shop if you don’t want it”. Sigh! On the pile it goes!

I’ve tried to ask them to stop! Well actually, I’ve threw a strop when pregnant! “No more!” I pleaded to my Mum once. She was hurt, I knew she was. I rang and apologised. 

Why don’t people just phone and ask first? I’d politely say no thank you or yes please and that would be it! Even if they give me a sales pitch to go with it, I can say I’ll think about it (and I will) and then come back to them with an answer before it even enters my house. It’s when it is dropped into my hands with the assumption I’ll want it that I find difficult.

How do you say yes please to some and thank you but no to others and get them to leave your house still in possession of the item? Answers on a postcode please…or you can just use the comments at the end of this post!

Ranty Friday: There’s Any Place But Home!

I’m not a political person, I don’t understand politics and when I try to follow it I get confuddled. I’m often naive when it comes to the promises of politicians. I believe what they tell you and am gutted when they don’t follow through with their promises. I don’t make promises myself because I believe if you promise something you have to stick to it but sometimes life and circumstance cause you to break them. I will therefore give my word to try my best but I don’t make promises.

I am rubbish in an argument or debate. I will easily get talked down and am unable to articulate myself correctly to get my point across. When I feel strongly about something I find it easier to write things down.

So what brings me to write a blog post about a topic I don’t know anything about? Right now, I really wish I did, I wish I paid attention to the laws, acts and whatever else goes on in parliament because I am so cross. I am so angry & full of rage on behalf of my friend that when I try to speak or write articulately about it, the words just get jumbled in my head so this post could be full of gobbledegook.

My friend and her family had a house they rented. As Landlords do from time to time, their Landlord gave my friend and family notice to move out as they wanted to move back in themselves. For most people this would be inconvenient but they’d find a new property, move and carry on life in their new home. But for my friends, their journey has been very different. They have (or had) a deposit for a new place, they could pay rent and knew what they could afford (aprox £800pcm) which all sounds achievable, they were good tenants and had never missed a payment in previous owned or rented properties, but a few months down the line they find themselves homeless in temporary ‘housing’.

My friend’s husband has severely crippling arthritis, is waiting a hip replacement, in a lot of pain barely able to move many days and is therefore unable to work. My friend is caring for her husband and has 3 children, 2 of which are toddler-preschool age and her eldest has a complex disability called 22q11 Deletion Syndrome. She therefore doesn’t work, having given up her job following her maternity leave for her third child. Due to this, they receive benefits. I don’t know the full details of what but their circumstances require it and having (both of them) worked for most of their adult lives despite having children, despite having a longterm illness, it is with no shame that they should be able to ask for a little help at this time in their lives!

As soon as they were given notice on their rental property, they started the hunt for a new house and they registered with both Christchurch Housing Association and Poole. They tried to find a private rental home, making phonecall after phonecall but without any luck. Why? Finding a place that accepts benefits is hard enough but possible but finding a place that will accept you without a Guarantor? No private rentor will touch them! If they will rent to them the conditions are inadequate for their family and circumstances, although compared to their current circumstances I’m sure they’d jump at the chance. They are on a list for a Housing Association property but they are all full and there are no council properties in their area and unbelievably, when a property becomes available, they are too low down on the priority rating to qualify for the property.

I have seen documentaries on TV about families living in over-crowded accommodation. I was shocked! Their ‘houses’ now seem like a small piece of heaven. I’m not saying that what the people on the documentaries were enduring wasn’t overcrowding and they don’t deserve better conditions but my friend and her family are 5, 1 with arthritis and 1 with special needs, living in one room with poor cooking facilities which are inadequate to cook a meal for a family of 5 and are shared with the rest of the house’s residents, with shared bathroom facilities, in considerably less than clean (not for their want of trying to make it so) conditions. Many of the other residents do not behave in a way you’d wish your young family to be exposed to. Out of respect to my friend, I will spare her the embarrassment of going into full details but she has shared some examples with me and my heart breaks for them all. This is what it means to be homeless and to be placed in temporary ‘Bed & Breakfast’ housing of by the Local Authority.

Is this really acceptable? Is this really the only solution? How can I sit back and do nothing while this is happening? I am sure they are not alone, I know of one other person in another area that has been going through similar for 6 months! (Apparently it is the law that they should not be in temporary housing for more than 6 weeks but it also appears that this is a joke! – one that no one is laughing at!). I don’t know anything about politics, law, housing, I’m rubbish at arguing and debating, I shy away from confrontation but this is making me so angry and upset that I can’t just sit back and watch it happen and not say anything.

I will be writing a letter to the Christchurch MP although, as I don’t live in Christchurch myself (though I do live in Dorset) I’m expecting they will not reply about this specific situation but what else can I do? My friend has written to the Minister of Housing and the case is ‘being looked into’ but this should never have been allowed to happen.

If you are a Secret Millionaire reading this right now, this family needs you!

I feel so useless and I wish there was something more that I can do but for now, I am blogging in the hope that it raises some awareness of their plight and I am asking the angels to watch over them and to shine a light in their direction. They need it right now!

Here is Karen’s blog if you wish to follow her story and offer her some support. You may wish to read the following stories in particular:

Homeless Part 1 – The Current Rant
Homeless Part 2 – My Past Rant
Homeless Part 3 – The Update
Homeless – Life in a B&B

Our House, In the Middle of Our Street

We’re in! We’ve moved.

Sorry for the blog silence of late but it has been for two reasons:

1. because I am pregnant the Pregnancy-Mummy Diary is getting most of the attention; and
2. because we’ve been moving house and, apart from not having the time, we were also without internet for 2 weeks.

But all is well now and we are settling in nicely and making it feel like home…slowly but surely!

One thing I’d thoroughly recommend is getting removal men! Big win!

I’ve been parping on about doing so for a while. I tried to get Stuart to agree when we moved from Godalming to Bournemouth but he wouldn’t do it. I’d showed him lots of positive stories and was bringing him on side but then my parents put him off. This time, I was determined! I am pregnant and the last thing I wanted to be doing was lugging big boxes around the house etc and also, we were struggling to fit in the house as we were, we had no where to store a mountain of boxes again. Stuart finally agreed subject to me getting a good price! We were moving less than 2 miles up the road and from a small 2 bed house with no loft, garage or shed etc so I was hopeful.

I got 2 quotes – both from highly rated companies on check a trade. The first one quoted around £800 (incl of tax). I thought this was far too high and my hopes were dashed. The second company was also recommended by a colleague from Stuart’s (and my but that’s another blog post) work. They quoted less than £500 (incl tax) – bonus! We signed them up quick!

They did exactly what we wanted them to do – they packed, they moved and they got it all done in one day which was a day earlier than planned too. They were called Brown & Brown Removals if anyone local is interested.

Moving on (pardon the pun), we have also ordered our new sofas and I’m very excited. We ordered them from Next and they should be here in about 3-4 more weeks. We’ve also bought some new curtains for the lounge & dining room although they need to be taken up before they are hung, and also curtains for the spare room. We are still a long way from being where we want to be as we need lots of storage and other bits and ends but we are making steps in the right direction. Oh, how could I nearly have forgot…and our HUGE MAHOOOSIVE American style fridge that I was very excited about! I LOVE it!

Callum has adapted well to the move, as I hoped (and thought) he would. He has so much room to run around in, why wouldn’t he?

I also think we have (friendly) company. We obviously left someone behind when we moved as the doorbell went shortly after we were in and when Stuart went to open it, there was no one there. There was no sign of it being kids having fun and its not a very big street so unlikely. I’m pretty sure ‘someone’ just wanted to be let in. Also, I was ill in bed a couple of weeks after we’d moved and I heard running up the stairs and automatically thought it was next door – then remembered we are detached. Shortly after, I heard footsteps as if running on the laminate floor in the dining room – kitchen area. I don’t feel uncomfortable here though and even when I’ve been in the house on my own (with Callum asleep) I’ve not been scared so I’m not worried and I quite like the company as I am sure its friendly.