Our story : Wedded Bliss

(I apologise if this reads badly or there are lots of typos, I've had to use an iPad while laptop is out of action - photos are also to follow)

As I left you at the end of my last post with the news of Stuart's proposala on our year anniversary, it seems fitting that I start this post wiath the proposal.

From my time as a legal secretary for a top city law firm, booking expensive restaurants for client dinners, there were a number of London restaurants I was keen to experience myself. One in particular being The Blue Elephant, a Thai restaurant in Fulham so Stuart and I booked it for our year anniversary.

Shortly after sitting down at our table, I saw a lawyer from my department arrive with his girlfriend and shown to a table in a different part of the restaurant and mentioned it to Stuart. I did notice he didn't look too enthusiastic about the information but mistook his look more to indifference. Then I saw them complain about sitting in a draft and asked to be moved so the waiter obligingly moved them to the table next to us. Stuart definitely looked less than pleased but politely said hello when Patrick and I acknowledged each other.

We had a pleasant meal and was delighted when Stuart ordered us both a glass of champagne to toast our anniversary and I admit at that point the thought of a proposal prospect did cross my mind and sneaked a quick look in my glass to check for a ring but dismissed the idea when there wasn't one present and didn't think much more of it...until Stuart started talking emotionally about our relationship and how he felt...then he reached into his pocket...got down on bended knee...and proposed!

In the background I could see that Patrick and his girlfriend had clocked what was happening along with other surrounding diners and it took all my strength to focus solely on Stuart and not run in a panic out of the restaurant. Not because I didn't want to say yes but because I hate being centre of attention in this way. I found out later that this too was Stuart's worse fear, not that I'd say no but that I'd run for the hills! But I didn't and I said yes! Then we excitedly called our respective parents on the taxi ride home.

That was on 28 July 2004.

So fast forward to May 2006, our wedding week! We had decided we wanted to get married in Cyprus and had found the perfect hotel, Grecian Sands in Ayia Napa, after attending the wedding fayre at Earl's Court, London. We had invited 30 our close friends and family to share our special day with us as well as the week leading up to the day, on Friday 26 May. There was little to do on the organisation front until we arrived in cyprus which suited us both down to the ground! It went with the hotel's recommendation for dj, the hotel's recommendation for photographer (who was photographer for Cyprus's equivalent of Hello! Magazine), booked the best spot to get married over-looking the sea, booked the barbecue, the flowers, told them to go to town on the floral table decorations -it was perfect!

We arrived on Sunday, held our hen & stag dos on the Wednesday (myself dressed as little bo peep with my little lost sheep (it's a sheep thing of mine) and Stuart dressed as an old woman). We started off our nights separately but with there only being one decent nightclub in Ayia Napa, it was inevitable that we'd eventually meet! We then had a nice meal with the parents on the Thursday and went to our separate rooms that night in preparation for our big day the next day. My sister came to stay with me for my last night as a single lady!

The morning of our wedding was a blur of activity. I went to have my hair done only to discover the flowers I'd ordered to go in my hair hadn't arrived. My hairdresser was amazing though and went running all over town while I had my make-up done, getting them made for me telling me not to worry, she'd sort it...and she did!

When I was ready, and it was time to go and meet my groom at the alter, I had my first emotional moment as my dad met me to give me away. But I got over it quickly then off I went with my two bridesmaids, my sister Natalie, and my friend Lou, following behind me. There was a heatwave happening in Cyprus so our poor guests and us had the pleasure of 38 degree heat in our wedding attire but I barely noticed!

The civil service wasn't romantic but the necessary was said and the register signed. I later found out (with evidence caught on camcorder) that my dad was sharing his appreciation of the registrar!

Following the ceremony, the guests were shown to a room (the Poseidon room) for refreshments while we had photos. Then we sat down outside for the barbecue (all I ever wanted for my wedding since I was young was a barbecue). The speeches were said, with a poem from my dad, the giving of camels from Stuart to my dad, the best man...then on with the cake cutting, dj and dancing to the early hours. At sunset Stuart and I went off to have some more photos as the sun went down over on the rocks.

Our first dance was to Robbie William's Angels with our second...it had to be...Me and Mrs Jones.

The dj was excellent and played a perfect mix of modern day dance for the young and more traditional music foe the not quite so young as well as a selection of tracks from a cd we had prepared in advance.

I was given some advice from a friend to take regular breaks to just stop, look around and take in everything that was happening to ensure I remembered my day and I am so glad I did. It was amazing and truly was the best day of my life!

Our Story – How We Met

Today, Stuart and I have been married for 6 years. Not a special anniversary though every anniversary, of course, is special for us as it is a celebration of our relationship.

I just wanted to reflect back on the day we tied the not but also over the past 6 years and firstly a how we got together. So this is Part 1 of our story, how we met.

I met Stuart through a mutual friend, Sparky, back in (as Stuart calls it) the Summer of Love in 2003. It was a gorgeous summer – the sun shone for much of it throughout June and July and we were both social little bunnies sampling the delights that London had to offer. Stuart lived in Wood Green  with a couple of friends, James & Phil, and I lived in Balham with my friend Drew, and then Claire and Jan.

The first time we met was when he was with his then girlfriend and we went to a club. To be honest, we didn’t spend much time together and because he had a girlfriend I didn’t give him much thought. We spent the night dancing in separate rooms of the club…me with my broken arm in a pink cast following a football incident (back then I played five a side football and had the position of goalie for my fearless throwing myself after the ball and menacing tiger like growl!!! he he).

We met a couple of other times after that when out and I became aware that him and his girlfriend had ‘separated’ – she had gone back home to Switzerland so they could have some space – so I may have flirted a bit! He was oblivious to my ‘charms’ so I flirted a bit more. Nope, nothing! So I gave up!

I then had work drinks and Sparky had been invited along (it was a relaxed affair and many of my work colleagues were my outside of work friends too) and Sparky invited Stuart. We bonded a bit more as he smoked the same cigarettes I used to smoke (menthol Marlborough lights) and started smoking again that night! He had a rotten cold so I told him there were 3 things that cured a cold! I’d like to point out that at this point I wasn’t flirting, I had given up on that and was just chatting to him as I would any friend. I told him the 3 cures…one I will not say, the other two were alcohol and sex! Apparently, he told me later, he thought I was then flirting! Typical me…try and you get no where, don’t try and…it all happens! We all got drunk! Very drunk! I invited Sparky and Stuart back to mine. After a bit more drinking…and smoking…Sparky retired to bed and that left Stuart and I…we did more than just drinking and smoking!!!!

I woke the next morning on my bedroom floor wearing different clothes to what I’d started in the night before!!!!

I’d said goodbye to Stuart and Sparky and, to be honest, didn’t think much of it. Thought it was just a drunken one night stand.

I was actually off work at the time because of my broken arm so used to go to an internet cafe to check emails. Stuart and I exchanged a few regarding that night, me joking that I couldn’t remember it and him saying was it that bad etc! Then it became apparent that he was interested in more than just a one night stand. I was off to a dance festival with Sparky and some other friends that weekend in Derbyshire but Stuart hadn’t got tickets.

Once we were there, we heard that Stuart and James had got tickets and were on their way! Stuart and I ‘secretly’ wondered off together to talk about stuff. I wasn’t sure on the state of his relationship with his girlfriend. She was in Switzerland and they were ‘on a break’ but was that in a ‘we intend to get back together’ break or ‘we are just stretching out the painful process of finally splitting up’. They had been on-off for a while so I wanted to be sure & didn’t want to be the cause of the break up…though suppose I should’ve thought of that a bit earlier than now! He assured me that it was definitely over this time and he had no intention of getting back together. So we snogged, went on a ride (of the theme park variety – there was no funny business at the festival!! what kind of girl do you  think I am…oh yeah, one that gets drunk and sleeps with boys in one night stands!!!). We then rejoined the group. We both remember a funny moment in the night when a random girl came over and stroked Stuart’s (then) very fit chest! Ha ha!

A couple of days later we went on our first date, on 28 July! We went to Fuel at Covent Garden. I’d been out during the day at Tate Modern with a friend and had turned up considerably late! Oops! But he had waited and we had a lovely time. I laid my cards on the table. I knew he had just come out of a long relationship so may not be up for anything serious. I, on the other hand, had had enough of seeing people for a month or two and the relationship never really going anywhere so was ready for something more serious. So I said to him, if he wanted to go and have a bit of fun first, we could perhaps pick up again in a few months if we were both still single, then that was ok with me but I wasn’t getting into another relationship unless I expected it to go somewhere. He reassured me that he wasn’t interested in doing that and he was ready for a serious relationship with me! I then wondered why I hadn’t tried that approach with the other guys I had dated…it would have solved a lot of bother and silly games!

So that was the beginning of us. Other than a week shortly after when he went to Ibiza with friends we saw each other every day. Stuart started declaring his love for me after just a month or two (which damn near sent me running) and then he moved in with myself, Claire and Jan after 2 months. By Christmas, people were running bets on us as to when Stuart would propose. We moved into our own rented house after about 6 months and then, on our year anniversary, Stuart proposed. No one won the bet!

Part 2, our wedding, coming soon!

Working with your partner

When an opportunity arose to work with Stuart, I had my reservations.

The company is in an industry that really interests me and, with my training background, suits me quite well so under any other circumstances I would have jumped at the chance and jumped right in. However, Stuart is quite senior being a Director which gives cause to some of my concerns but it is also a fairly small (to medium) sized company with 2/3rds of the company based in Bournemouth, where we both work, in a 2 roomed office location (we both work in the same office although opposite ends at least) so its not exactly like we can keep our distance.

Making friends

Firstly, I’m going to be known as ‘the bosses wife’! This means making friends with colleagues at work doesn’t happen as naturally as it would do normally at a place of work. Would people open up to me for fear of me running off to tell Stuart? Gaining people’s confidence and trust would be a slow process. Likewise, would I be able to do the same with them and ‘just be me’. I’m quite an open person normally, often to my detriment, and find myself opening my mouth and embarrassing story after embarrassing story falling out! I’m full of innuendo and sarcastic comments. But what kind of light would that put Stuart in? Opening up about me would also be opening up about him too. Would anything I could say affect his reputation and the respect people have for him? This is all probably just as well as there has been many a time when I have thought in the past “I really shouldn’t have said that” and perhaps I should sometimes keep a little bit back!!! But its also not ‘me’! Stuart even admitted before I started that he was worried about me being a bit too open about myself!

Maintaining a Professional Front

How you talk to friends and loved ones outside of work is often very different to how you would speak to them in work! You have a lot less patience for a husband/wife than you would a work colleague. When explaining something to a colleague, if they were being a bit slow to grasp something or needed more guidance/support with something, you are willing to give them that extra time, take things slowly, think of other ways to get the message across (well I know I am). With your partner you are more likely to get snappy, inpatient and frustrated and let those feelings show. Its natural – its hard to hold back because you are used to speaking your mind to them. And if Stuart was to talk to me like that, I’d find it hard not to retaliate! i don’t want work colleagues to see that side of me and to think I’d be like that with everyone.

Taking Work Home

When do you switch off? You live together and you work together then you come home and work together while you live together. It gets too much, you need boundaries. I strongly believe you need to separate the worlds!

Venting

This goes two ways – venting about Stuart at work and venting about work with Stuart.

Not only do I have to watch what I say about me but also about what I say about Stuart. I don’t have/see many people outside of my family so those days when you want to just go and have a moan about an argument you had or whatever, I would normally do in a close ally at work! I clearly can’t do that now and if we start the morning on the wrong foot I can’t brood on it, I have to get over it before I walk through the door at work because we need to put our professional face on – we can’t be seen to be having a ‘tiff’ or bringing the relationship into work! Admittedly, this isn’t a common occurrence, we don’t argue often but there are still times when I may just want to vent!

Then, if I have a bad day, something happens at work or someone says something that annoys me, I can’t come home and talk about it. Again, how does Stuart separate what I am telling him as confiding in him as my partner or as my superior or the boss of those I’m talking to him about. Again, its not something that would happen often but if I have a bad day at work I want to come home and talk it through so I can get it out of my system, deal with it and move on.

Its not only me that has to worry, its Stuart too. He has bad days too and, like me, will want to talk about it. Now, if he does that he could be breaking a confidence.

In each case, what we say about someone could affect the way the other person views them going forward.

These were my concerns before I took the job and are also the ones I still face. Working with your other half certainly isn’t easy. I love working, I love the work I’m doing, I enjoy working for the company but it still hasn’t changed my views on working with my husband and not something I would want to do long-term in an ideal world!

If it was a bigger company where we could keep our working lives quite separate or if we were even on the same level it might be different but in the current circumstances its not without its challenges!

Ultimately, although this is a step in the right direction, I’m still struggling in my ongoing battle to find and be ‘Me’!